WRITING TASK 1 - SLEEP PATTERNS OF PEOPLE IN FIVE DIFFERENTS OCCUPATION
The chart presents people's kip scheme among five professions based on Canadian research result. Overall, it can be seen clearly that business executive and student has a regularly kip scheme everyday, while three other profession categories shown an irregular sleep scheme.
Regarding to the data, a regular kip scheme are experienced by student and business executive. Either student or business executive start to sleep at around 11-12pm. However, student have more sleep time than business executive. Student's daily bedtime is eight hours while business worker only have six hours bedtime in a day.
In contrast with those two categories, an irregular sleep scheme appear on these three profession categories ; truck driver, full time mother and doctor. Meanwhile, truck driver and fulltime mother have the same bedtime pattern ; fulltime mother has to divide her sleep time into three different parts and truck driver's time sleep have to divide into two. However, doctor has the fewest bedtime with only five hours a day.
dear friend,
You wrote: ... that business executive and student has a regularly kip ...
The subject "executive and student" seems plural. Unless these two items are normally understood to be one unit, use a plural form of the verb: ''have''.
You wrote: ... are experienced by student and business executive. Either student ...
The article is missing before the noun: ''a student', 'the student'' or " students"
... an irregular sleep scheme appears on these three ...
Hi ainunazwaria, is the goal of this writing task to analyze the chart and to use words to describe the sleep patterns of people in different occupations?
If so, then I think you hit the content well, but I only see a few grammatical errors. For example, in the sentence beginning with "Overall, it can be seen.." you should say "the business executive" and "the student". The verb for that sentence should be "have" and not "has" as you are talking about two groups. Also in that sentence you should at a "the" before "three other". Every time before student or business executive, there should be the article "the", just for grammar's sake.
This sentence: "Either student or business executive start to sleep at around 11-12pm." is slightly confusing to me as well. I do not know what that is meant to say, so please elaborate.
Also, consider changing the sentence: "However, student have more sleep time ..." to "However, the student gets more hours of sleep than the business executive. The student sleeps for eight hours, while the business executive only gets six hours in a day."
Hi, ainunazwaria, I;m trying to give some comments
1. You have a good structure sentence and have an easy flow to be read. But, it is better for you to insert the image to make the readers easy to understand about your essay.
2. However, students have more sleep ...
Because student is singular, hence, it must be followed by singular verb
in this sentence students should be added 's'
3. ... worker only have six hours bedtime in a day.
To make it simple and do not have repetitive, eliminate the second 'bedtime' because you have already mentined before.
Thank you
Break a leg for you, keep writing
