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The chart below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US.


truong123456 1 / 4 1  
Jul 8, 2019   #1

Honey producing bee colonies (US)



the chart give information about the numbers of honey-bee colonies and phony production in the United State from 1970-2010.
There were 4 millions honey-ice colonies in 1970. However, these measures rose to 4.2 millions in 1980. But over 30 next years. These amounts decreased to 1 million every ten years. For instance, From 1990-2010, these numbers dropped from 3.5 millions to 1.8 millions

In 1970, the quantities of honey production were 130.000 tonnes. Differ from 1970, the honey productions fell 110.000 tonnes in 1980. But at the next 10 years, it suddenly went up 120.000 tonnes in 1990. Then, the measure of honey productions continually decreased every 10 years. Detail, in 2000 and 2010, these measures dropped respective 100.000 tonnes and 2010.

Generally speaking, The charts show that the quantity of both bee colonies and honey production have fallen during the 40-year period. Though, the relationship is not really concerned with each other. Because, when colonies rose in 1980, honey production fell. On the other hands, when colonies decreased in 1990, honey production increased.

Thank you so much!

Tuanvietnam - / 2  
Jul 9, 2019   #2
Hello, I can see that there are too much unecessary repetiitons, such as "quantity" or "production", "fall", "decrease", "period" and some of the centences are not well-paraphase. Try to search for more word to descirble changes instead of using basic verbs like "fall, increase,...", then replace with "jump, accelerate, decline, shrink" or some phases like "reach a peak at", "stand at", "hit a historic low".

You also need to use more adj or adv such as "hardly, dramatically, considerable, notable,..." These are very important in achieving higher Ielts scores.

Please remember to add a picture of the chart next time so people will not find diffiiculties in correcting your writing. Good luck!
OP truong123456 1 / 4 1  
Jul 9, 2019   #3
@Tuanvietnam
Thanks a lot, Tuan!
I will remember it. God bless you!
Maria [Contributor] - / 503 218  
Jul 10, 2019   #4
@truong123456
Hi there.

I'll provide you with writing feedback.

I agree with what was previously mention that adding the graph would be helpful for fellow learners to give you appropriate feedback.

However, based on the writing you have provided here, you can improve your composition overall by adding appropriate punctuation and meaning to your written account. Try to focus on the structure, flow, and organization to help you in the long-run in creating valued texts.

Furthermore, try to use synonymous terms in order for you to not have such repetitive content. This will enhance the dynamism of your writing.

Best of luck as always.
OP truong123456 1 / 4 1  
Jul 17, 2019   #5
@Maria
Hello There.
Thank you for your information!
I will improve my writing skill, day by day. Because I have received your feedback. it made me more motivation.
Best regards!!!


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