Firkno05, you are not allowed to post two writings in one column. You have to write them separately and post them in different threads, otherwise your account will be get banned.
The chart demonstrated
This should be written in present tense, as this shows the general truth.
robbery had the lowest incident number of crime whichis
it seems that you still have problem with tense usage in English. You can write both past and present tense in this part, but you have to be consistent in tense usage.
In 2004 the peak was reached by burglary cased
The language is not natural. You need to rewrite this. Let me give you an example. The figure reached a peak of 3500 violent crimes in burglaries
after that it was getting decline until reached the lowest number with around 1000 incidents in 2008
The idea is not complete as the sentence does not cover the detailed information.
As seen, you report is in average score as you miss some main features and trends in this graph. Where possible, it is mandatory that you read sample answers as many as you can.