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The chart shows the alteration of kinds of crime that happened in Newport city center (2003-2012)


fikni05 3 / 3  
Aug 30, 2016   #1
WRITING TASK 1

The chart demonstrated the alteration of kinds of crime that happened in Newport city center from 2003 to 2012. Overall, robbery had the lowest incident number of crime which is at 500 incidents, meanwhile burglary was the highest criminal type that happened in 2003 with almost 35000 incidents.

In 2004 the peak was reached by burglary cased with over 3500 incidents, but after that it was getting decline until reached the lowest number with around 1000 incidents in 2008. The robbery reached the lowest number of incident with 500 case in 2008 as well.

Apart from previous comparison, the chart showed the car theft in significant number of incident rather than the burglary which was getting decreased. In 2012 informed that the highest kind of crime that happened in Newport city was car theft with over 2500 incidents.

WRITING TASK 2

deleted - one essay at one time, please


  • The following chart

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 30, 2016   #2
Hi Fikni, welcome to EssayForum :)

I reckon that you need to consider posting a thread that only consist of 1 type of essay. Posting 2 essays in a single thread is not suggested because people are more likely to focus on seeing one of them only. My suggestion is that you can just post 1 essay for the next thread. However, I would like to focus on the first part of your prompt, particularly Writing Task 1.

First of all, the task is pretty clear about the minimum words limit. It needs 150 words or more than that. Your essay was only 138 words. This makes you failed to answer the prompt properly and lower your band score to 4 or 5 if you are lucky enough in the real exam. Just pay more attention to it in the next practice.

Second of all, you need to keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay should have at least 3 sentences. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding about the chart/picture/diagram that you were provided. Writing only 2 sentences for each paragraph would not be enough and it also will badly damage your final score later on.

As you can see, those two parts of suggestion is quite simple yet important. Try to be more careful next time. No need to rush, you have 20 minutes to do task 1 correctly and appropriately. Good luck for that :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Aug 30, 2016   #3
Firkno05, you are not allowed to post two writings in one column. You have to write them separately and post them in different threads, otherwise your account will be get banned.

The chart demonstrated

This should be written in present tense, as this shows the general truth.

robbery had the lowest incident number of crime whichis

it seems that you still have problem with tense usage in English. You can write both past and present tense in this part, but you have to be consistent in tense usage.

In 2004 the peak was reached by burglary cased

The language is not natural. You need to rewrite this. Let me give you an example. The figure reached a peak of 3500 violent crimes in burglaries

after that it was getting decline until reached the lowest number with around 1000 incidents in 2008

The idea is not complete as the sentence does not cover the detailed information.

As seen, you report is in average score as you miss some main features and trends in this graph. Where possible, it is mandatory that you read sample answers as many as you can.


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