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Chart A below shows the rate of oil consumption (in millions of barrels) in a small country


Ptp03 4 / 6  
Jun 20, 2020   #1

Oil annual consumption & oil employment/unemployment rate



Chart A below shows the rate of oil consumption (in millions of barrels) in a small country from 1950 to 2010. Chart B shows the number of people employed in the oil industry in that country and the rate of unemployment throughout the country over the same time.

Write a report summarizing the information. Select and describe the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

ANSWER
The line graph gives information about the annual use of oil within a timespan of 60 years in a country, while the table illustrates oil employment and national employment in that country during the same period.

Regarding the oil consumption, the figure registered 20 million barrels in 1950, and remained stable in the next two decades. Since then, the amount of consumed oil witnessed a nearly three- fold increase, peaking over 50 million barrels in 2010.

This trend was also reflected in the number of workers in the oil industry. Fluctuating around 1000 people from 1950 to 1970, the number climbed significantly by three times, which reached 3100 at the end of the period.

Turning to the national unemployment rate, around 4% of the population was jobless in between 1950 and 1970. However, there was a discernible improvement in the country's job situation, as the rate declined by over 2% in the following 40 years.

Overall, there was a correlation in the consumption of oil per year and the number of oil industry workers. In the meantime, the unemployment rate also more than halved throughout the period.

(187 words)



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,888 3555  
Jun 21, 2020   #2
There is a 3 sentence minimum requirement for the task 1 essay. You should be writing between 3-5 sentences or 175-190 words overall. Even though you wrote less than 190 words, your report still lacks proper formatting due to the sentence requirement per paragraph. Next time, make sure to use more full stops (period) than commas in your presentation. Never present 2 different ideas in one sentence, using only a comma to separate the ideas. That is why you fall short of the sentence requirement and, you do not appropriately use various punctuation marks throughout your essay.

When you write this type of essay, make sure to completely paraphrase the discussion. Avoid using phrases from the original prompt so that you can increase your LR score. In this case, you still used the phrase "in a country", which is too similar to the original. You should have instead said "in an unknown, limited sized country" to restate the phrase "in a small country". The word "unknown" indicates that no name for the country was given in the image and "limited sized" refers to the "small" size of the country.

Overall, the problem of your presentation lies in the run-on sentences. Try to come up with a better mix of complex and simple sentences, without writing long sentences that do not properly represent the requirements of the GRA scoring considerations.


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