Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Charts below show how energy is used in an average Australian household vs greenhouse emission


just_writer 24 / 42 5  
Oct 25, 2017   #1
The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


greenhouse gas as result of heating process



Two pie charts illustrate the mean use of different kinds of powers in homes for Australi's citizens and the amount of greenhouse gas production in contrast. It shows that the highest amount of the greenhouse gas is released by water heating, and the lowest amount goes to cooling.

The water heating process takes 30% of total energy used and produced 32% gas. After that there is refrigerating with 7% power consumption. However, the greenhouse gas production is double with 14%. Nevertheless, other appliances almost have the same characteristic, with 15% of energy consumption and 28% gas production.

The heating process which takes the highest amount of power usage by 42%, generates only 15% gas. And the cooling category has respectively 2% and 3% for power and gas generation. so as lighting with 4% and 8% in the same order.

It seems that the heating process with the most energy usage, surprisingly produces much less gas than other; in fact, it is third to last. And other appliances which use 15% power, generates also more gas; as a matter of fact, it is second to first in gas production.

(172 Words)




Yunqian Gan 1 / 3  
Oct 25, 2017   #2
You can check some IELTS essays which has similar structure.You could add moreconjection-such as According to the ,It is clear/apparent from the... to make the essay more cohensive.

Sentences like -it is unimaginable that ... it is undeniable that ... it is interesting to discover that ...
a is nearly /more than...times as much/many/large as b.
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Oct 25, 2017   #3
A better scoring IELTS Task 1 essay usually has at least 200 words. Try to aim for that in your next essay. Writing more sentences(both simple and complex), and in the process, words, will allow you to get a better chance at increasing your overall scoring considerations. Specifically in the LR, C&C, and GRA sections.

In the summary overview, an indication that the 6 comparative elements, and its enumeration in the essay would have helped to increase the summary of information you are presenting. Indicating the discussion instruction would have also allowed you to increase the TA scoring consideration for your essay. Remember, it always has to be more than 2 sentences in order to increase the score per criteria.

If you had combined the last 2 statements into one paragraph, you would have created a more informative discussion because the information that you are presenting turns out to be inter-related. Developing a 2 sentence paragraph doesn't help your essay. Presenting at least 4 related information in one paragraph makes a difference in your final score. Always aim to present a complete paragraph and highly informative sentences so that you can assure yourself of the best scoring considerations in the end.


Home / Writing Feedback / Charts below show how energy is used in an average Australian household vs greenhouse emission