Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

[task 1] The charts show the relative size of populations of countries of the European Union


LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 28, 2017   #1
The charts show the relative size of populations of countries of the European Union in both 1998 and 2007.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


population spread across EU states



The pie charts illustrate the population spread across states of the European Union in the year 1998 and 2007. It is noteworthy that 21 countries are grouped as a whole for analysis. In this essay, I will extract the essential elements of these graphs to make insightful comparisons.

Overall, the figures demonstrate the fragmented nature of the population distribution in the EU, without any segment accounting for above three tenths of Europeans in either year. Their share only saw minimum changes in 2007. Likewise, the ranking in the relative size of population turned out to remain the same.

Among the nations named, Germany continued to have the largest percentage of the total population, at 16.6% in 2007, in spite of a marginal decline from 17.1% in 1998. France and Britain retained the second and third spot, each accommodating 12.8% and 12.3% of Europeans in 2007, up from 12.5% and 12.2% in 1998. They were followed by Italy, where 11.9% of people lived in 2007, almost the same percentage as 11.8% in 1998.

Farther down the list came Spain and Poland. Their citizens represented 8.3% and 8.0% of Europeans in 1998, and 9.0% and 7.7% in 2007. With regard to the 21-country group, their people composed 29.7% in 2007, a negligible rise from 29.4% in 1998.

213 words. 35 minutes (efficiency will be improved)
I arranged my presentation in order of population ranking, and chose a replacement for "distill". Hope it works.
Please feel free to pick out errors you see, no matter how minimum. I would more appreciate it if your score the essay.




Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Oct 28, 2017   #2
Gang, you had a slight misunderstanding of the provided listing beside the pie charts. The reference to "All other countries (21)" is a different listing and doesn't apply to the previously listed countries. It is apparent that all other countries had the largest share of population growth. So that is the actual trending statement in this presentation, not the population distribution in the EU. Don't worry, you are not at the native speaker level yet so small mistakes like these can happen in your presentation. You should outgrow those mistakes as you develop your English analytical abilities. Try to find another essay along this line of discussion. Let's see if you can do better now that you know what to look out for.

Your arrangement of the presentation is very good. However, I would like to caution you against focusing too much on how you present the essay. You could lose valuable writing time doing that. Just outline the essay within the first 5 minutes of your first reading and work from that presentation. Pretend that you are in an actual test setting. That 5 minutes extra time you took to write is valuable. Try to finish writing within 10 minutes if possible so you have ample time to review, revise, and finalize.

As for your score, I will bring it down to an 8 because of the misunderstanding you had about the information presented in the chart and the listing. Good work though. We have some small problems to iron out but I don't doubt that you can rest easy knowing that you will pass this test with high marks.


Home / Writing Feedback / [task 1] The charts show the relative size of populations of countries of the European Union