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IELTS TASK 1 : The charts show school expenditure and the % of students who gained higher education


lehoang1294 2 / 4 1  
May 4, 2020   #1

Diplomas and degrees in Singapore



The bar chart illustrates the data of total school spending in Singapore from 2000 to 2012. The pie chart compares the percentage of Singaporean students adwarded degree and diploma qualifications in higher education in 2000 and 2012.

Overall, the school expenditure in both gender increased throughout the time surveyed, while the proportion of people gained dilopmas in Singapore was higher than those of degrees

In terms of boys schools, there are approximately 10 millions dolllars paid for school expenditure in 2000, compared to only 7 millions of girls schools. The expenditure spending on Singaporean boys schools increased dramatically during 12 years, reaching the peak in 2012, at around 32 millions dollars. The school expenditure for girls experienced the similar trend. After slightly rising to about 12 millions and remaing stable in next 4 years, it surged to exactly 20 millions at the end of the period.

In 2000, 27% of students gained higher educations were degree holders, while this figure for dilopma holders was 73%. The ratio of people achieving dilopma gradually decrease to 68% in 2012. By contrast, the figure for degree holders in Singapore rose slightly to 32% in the end of the reseach period.




Holt [Contributor] - / 8,584 2489  
May 4, 2020   #2
I cannot fault your information presentation. It is accurate and truly comprehensive in presentation. It is clear and easily understood, even if I do not look at the included images. That is not to say that you do not have mistakes in your presentation though. You still have spelling and grammar issues within several sections of your presentation. Let me break it down for you below.

Spelling:

adwarded = awarded
dilopmas = diplomas
dolllars = dollars
reamaing = remaining
dilopma = diploma
reseach = research

As you can see, these errors could have been easily spotted if you had just taken the time to review your work instead of being in a hurry to consider it completed and submitted for a grade / consideration. Remember, the LR score is based not only on how well you used the words, but also, considers whether or not you can spell the words properly.

Grammar Issues:

Plural form - Million is already the plural form of the word, no need to say millions.

This problem can be easily resolved by having you review more of the plural form usage guidelines and also, familiarizing yourself with the use of English words in both singular and plural form. Start with memorizing the singular and plural form for everyday objects, time references, and monetary forms. You did well on the report, but you have several issues that would lower your LR and GRA scores.
TaraAryal23 4 / 14  
May 5, 2020   #3
It looks good and meaningful in many ways. However try to put linking words and useful paraphrasin whenever it could be benefitted. In the first paragraph, I noticed two sentences having date repetitions. You can write in this way.

"... school spending whereas the pie-chart compares the academic degree percentages of students of Singapore between 2002 and 2012."
OP lehoang1294 2 / 4 1  
May 5, 2020   #4
@Holt
Thanks so much for your advices. I just tried to finish the task 1 in less than 17' so I did not have a chance to review my errors. I will be more careful about spelling and grammar issues in my next writing essay.

@TaraAryal23
Good point! I will consider putting more linking words in my next essay. Thank you!


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