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Essay about the charts' summarization - money for children's sports in Britain


Linh Pham 1 / 1 1  
Jun 22, 2018   #1
Topic: The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

encouraging to play sports through money



The charts demonstrate the British parents spent how money on their children's sport a month and how many children who took part in football, athletics and swimming over a course of 5 years starting from 2008.

As can be seen from the charts, it is clearly evident that the amount of money spent witnessed an upward trend, the number of children joined swimming that went up sharply, that of football increased slightly and that of athletics remained relatively stable.

Each British parent used money for their children's sports enrollment that stood at 20 euros a month in 2008. Then it rose steady and peaked at roughly 35 euros per month in 2014.

The first sport is athletics enrolled by children was approximately 0.1 million in 2008 that leveled off in the next 2 years. The year 2012 was witnessed a dramatic climb in the number of children at 5 million that stayed unchanged in 2014. The number of children chose swimming that started at roughly 2.5 million in 2008 that grew modestly around 5 million in 2014. The number of children played football evened out from 2008 to 2014 at about 8 million.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Jun 23, 2018   #2
Linh, your paper has a factual error located within it. The first error is that you are citing the expenses in Euros when the British economy uses the British Pound for their currency. Although Britain is still temporarily part of the European Union, the country has never used the Euro as a currency because of certain traditional considerations.

You need to present 2 trending statements in this instance. One for the amount of money spent and the other, for the most popular sports the children participated in. Without this information, your summary overview is incomplete and unreliable in terms of delivering an accurate report based on the 2 charts.

Your report is highly confusing to read. Mostly because you are going from one type of chart information to another in every paragraph without presenting any transition sentences. You are also not following the international standard for presenting measurements. Rather than saying 0.1 million, based on the chart itself, you should have simply indicated 1 million since the next set of digits was 2.5 million. Always be true to the chart presentation when indicating the digits in your summary paraphrase.

Try to present complete paragraphs of 3-5 sentences rather than these stand alone 1-2 sentence paragraphs. The latter does not fall under the required minimum standards for paragraph presentations and could result in severe C&C and GRA reductions in the final scoring consideration.


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