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Cheaper international travel and more countries welcome foreign visitors. Adv outweigh disadv?

lan82 2 / 4  
Feb 15, 2021   #1
International travel is becoming cheaper and cheaper, and more countries are now opening their doors to foreign visitors.

Do you think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

It is generally believed that travelling to foreign countries is becoming gradually cheaper, and there is an increasing number of countries welcoming visitors from other nations. While there are some drawbacks that this phenomenon offers, I believe that these are outweighed by the merits.

On the one hand, there are two major disadvantages of this trend. Firstly, immigrating to different countries contributes to air pollution due to the large amount of carbon emissions produced by transportations. This would worsen the air quality and pose a grave threat to people's health, leading to many illnesses such as respiratory diseases and lung cancer. Secondly, if the number of people who can afford to travel is rising, the international travel destinations will be increasingly crowded. Therefore more and more airports and tourist facilities including hotels and roads will be built, which might result in habitat destructions. Vietnam, for example, has deforested a part of their southern areas to build a new airport to meet the traveling demands of the local as well as the international tourists.

On the other hand, I am convinced that the benefits of this view are more significant than any disadvantages. Reducing the price of traveling cross-country and increasing the number of nations that are available for international tourism help boost cultural exchange and broaden people's knowledge. The locals there could understand more about cultural diversity and learn foreign languages. Furthermore, this trend also boosts countries' economy since it creates more jobs in services such as accommodation and transportation. Eventually, these new jobs would lead to the amount of income tax rises, contributing to the state's budget.

In conclusion, despite concerns regarding air quality and habitat, these trends does more good than harm by enlarging people's understanding and improving countries' economy.

please help me evaluate my essay, thank you!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3351  
Feb 16, 2021   #2
there are two major disadvantages of this trend.

- This is your thesis statement. The discussion topics should have followed as 2 topic sentences, all as a part of the prompt restatement. That discussion outline will help your TA score as it shows the clarity of your opinion in a summarized manner.

The more appropriate format for this essay would have been:
Sentence 1: Perceived advantage
Sentence 2: Why it is an advantage
Sentence 3: Your disadvantage opinion
Sentence 4: Supporting example
Sentence 5: Additional disadvantage explanation based on the example

The outline above would have helped you better and more clearly represent the required discussion points. Only 2 discussion points would have sufficed for this presentation, if properly discussed in the reasoning paragraphs. The way that you did it, the presentation became over discussed but with less clarity in the presentation. Your second paragraph had the more appropriate discussion topics, had you only properly separated these into 2 paragraphs so that you could have had a better chance at clearly and properly explaining your subjects / opinions. Your third paragraph is totally under developed as you decided to just keep presenting reasons, but not explanations to help support these reasons. It doesn't manner how many reasons you have or know. What matters in the scoring is the clarity of your explanation based on well selected reasons.
OP lan82 2 / 4  
Feb 20, 2021   #3
Thank you a lot Holt

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