there are two major disadvantages of this trend.
- This is your thesis statement. The discussion topics should have followed as 2 topic sentences, all as a part of the prompt restatement. That discussion outline will help your TA score as it shows the clarity of your opinion in a summarized manner.
The more appropriate format for this essay would have been:
Sentence 1: Perceived advantage
Sentence 2: Why it is an advantage
Sentence 3: Your disadvantage opinion
Sentence 4: Supporting example
Sentence 5: Additional disadvantage explanation based on the example
The outline above would have helped you better and more clearly represent the required discussion points. Only 2 discussion points would have sufficed for this presentation, if properly discussed in the reasoning paragraphs. The way that you did it, the presentation became over discussed but with less clarity in the presentation. Your second paragraph had the more appropriate discussion topics, had you only properly separated these into 2 paragraphs so that you could have had a better chance at clearly and properly explaining your subjects / opinions. Your third paragraph is totally under developed as you decided to just keep presenting reasons, but not explanations to help support these reasons. It doesn't manner how many reasons you have or know. What matters in the scoring is the clarity of your explanation based on well selected reasons.