Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Cherishing my goverment that cares for people's health and knowledge


Quetquet103 2 / 1  
Oct 26, 2016   #1
Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Tourism is one of the power that make a huge profit for many countries all around the world. So constructing impressive buildings to attract a lot of tourists in a country is very important. But governments should care about education and health's their citizens. Although schools and hospitals are less noticeable, this does not mean they are less important. In my opinion, I think government should balance in spending money to build between magnificent building and hospitals, schools.

Whoever visits to a city centre, the first sight that attrack him or her is the buildings that stand out. Buildings like Pompidou Centre in Paris and the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, which is the tallest building in the world, it makes the country to be famous around the world. Thank to these building, their country is known well and residents have things to do such as buying souvenirs, drinks and food to tourists or make the tour guide to improve income. I think government spend money on city buildings will brings a lot of benefits for both their country and citizens.

However, governments also make sure that their citizens are look after about knowledge and health. This mean schools and hospitals are needed to satisfy basic requirement of residents. Where I live, more and more hospitals are built but there are also many situations that patients have no bed to lie in the hospital. A small bed can be even included 2 patients, and patient's family is uncomfortable clearly. Our government is planning to build a special centre for them to solve this problem, and of course this will cost a lot of money.

Overall, I believe government will have a great policy to balance spending money into between large buildings and hospitals, schools. Impressive buildings are necessary for developing their economy. But modern schools and hospitals are not less important to ensure the demand of people in their country.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Oct 26, 2016   #2
There are problems with your spelling and grammar throughout the essay. Let me tell you something though, while other grammatical errors tend to irritate me, your grammatical errors, specially in spelling, are just so cute in the way it portrays the error that I can't help but smile at the thought that you were-this-close to almost getting the spelling right. Here's a tip, when you write the essay, since it is a practice test, do it as a document file. That way you can use spellcheck to correct your errors. It is much easier than having to look up the spelling in the dictionary, even it is online. Spellcheck can actually help improve your grammar and increase your practice test scores in the process.

Now, on to the main problem with your essay. You have made the very same mistake that the others before you made when responding to an opinion prompt. You placed your opinion at the conclusion of the essay. This is a mistake. You are not allowed to present your opinion in the paragraph that is supposed to just wrap up the discussion. Rather, you are supposed to deliver your opinion as a stand alone paragraph towards the end of the essay.

If you revise this essay to better reflect your opinion as required, you will have a 5 paragraph essay, which is the standard, correct format for writing these practice tests. Please consider revising your work as it will produce a better practice score for you.


Home / Writing Feedback / Cherishing my goverment that cares for people's health and knowledge