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Child- caring should be handle by relatives or child- caring centres. Discuss and give opinion


conchocon 1 / -  
Sep 30, 2019   #1

evaluation of child care centres



Topic: Nowadays, any families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Theseday, more and more women joining the work-force with man makes child- caring become a problematic issue. While many favour the help of relatives when parents are away, in my opinion, children should be sent to nursery schools due to professional education.

On the one hand, many people prefer the child- supervision of grandparents, uncle, etc because it saves a lot of money. That child - caring services are quite expensive makes parents hesitate to register their children for nursery centres. Being a young- married couple, my sister and brother in law rely on the help of her mother in law to take care of my 3-year-old nephew while they are at work since schooling fee is beyond their ability to cover. Therefore, with the assistance of their mother, my sister's family can reduce the financial burden that may be incurred if they send their child to the child- caring centre.

In my opinion, the benefits brought back by child-caring centres surpass which of the nourishment of relatives since the children will be educated by more logical methods. In other words, kindergarten programs are designed hierarchically to be suitable for children of different ages. In my area, most kids attending child-caring centres learn to sing and draw at the age of 3 and know how to count and write when they reach the age of 5. Children gaining accessibility to these centres adapt to the large- scale education that is appropriate to their mental and physical development.

To conclude. I totally approve of the idea of children going to child-caring centre to receive not a purely supervision but a chance to broaden their knowledge and develop themselves.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,068 380  
Sep 30, 2019   #2
@conchocon
Hi, welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback becomes helpful to your learning of English. If you have more questions, don't hesitate to approach us once more.

Firstly, the introductory paragraph needs a little bit work to be more concrete. Take a look at the first sentence. Immediately, it is noticeable how you could have integrated more words that would have made up for a more concise written format. Instead, for example, of saying "more and more", you could have opted to say "increasing". These small replacements go a long way because of the limitations of the essay's length.

Furthermore, try working with more elaborate content. It would be better for your writing if you had incorporated more sophisticated examples. Doing this would have added more appeal to your writing in the long-run. Try replacing the content you've shared in the second paragraph.


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