Please rate out of 10 and why:
Child Labor in the World:
Mikhail Bakunin once said that "Children do not constitute anyones property: they are neither the property of their parents, nor of the society. They belong only to their own future freedom."
His quote was relating to child labor, a growing problem in the world's society.
A couple of months ago I visited India for my uncle's marriage. While driving to my uncle's house we stopped by at a local restaurant for a bite to eat. There I got my firsthand experience of the horrors of child labor. Children there looked about five to eight years of age, and they worked very hard serving tea, cleaning tables, and taking orders. Once, a child accidentally dropped a glass, and his the store manager got very mad. He started yelling at the children and created a hubbub in the store.
This wasn't the only experience I had with child labor in India. Children worked as servants, waiters, and did other jobs in harsh conditions. I felt sorry for these children, who were being deprived of their childhood.
Coincidentally, when I returned to school my teacher had started the chapter on the Industrial Revolution, where children worked in dangerous conditions in factories and sweatshops, often coming home injured or hurt. I also found out that companies like Nike, Coca-Cola, and Hanes also use child labor produce some of its products.
The rate of child-labor in the world is increasing daily, especially in poverty-stricken countries like South Africa, Indonesia, and the Philippines.
Many laws are being passed to prevent child labor today. The United Nations Children's Fund makes laws every day to prevent the spreading of child labor in the world today. However, it is our job to push for more laws to eliminate child labor in the world today.
"Children do not constitute anyone's property
Once, a child accidentally dropped a glass, and his the store manager got very mad.
I felt sorry for these children, who were being deprived of their childhood.
I also found out that companies like Nike, Coca-Cola, and Hanes also use child labor to produce some of their products.
Many laws are being passed to prevent child labor today.The United Nations Children' Fund makes laws every day to prevent the spreading of child labor in the world today. However, it is our job to push for more laws to eliminate child labor in the world today. - try to find a synonim to this word - you reiterate it too often in this paragraph.
"injured or hurt" is redundant. Notice how much more powerful the sentence becomes if you end it with the word injured. Less is more.
This is a good essay, and your thoughtfulness is impressive. I won't rate it, because writing is art, but I'll tell you that you seem to write without grammatical errors.
Some people would rate it based on whether you follow the conventions of good composition. They would tell you to use topic sentences that give the main idea of each paragraph. It's always easy to go back and add a sentence that expresses the theme of a paragraph.
:-)
You have nice examples...You expierenced child labor by yourself and was able to realize the harsh of it...
I have another example which is a book about child labor, and the title of it is Free the Childern..It is written by an 12-year-old American boy whose name is Carig Kileburger.(I don't know whether I spell the name right) This little boy has self experience about child labor and he fundraised a charity to support those childern labors.... It touches me a lot and you can look it up on Google...
Hope that help
In India everywhere has same situation. Population cause to this situation. I agree that many countries collect money for child labor but I have doubt that how much money actually spend for them.
As you have seen in movie 'Slum dog milliner' , some people taking disadvantage of child as cutting their body part and use them for beggary.
You should add a thesis statement and a stronger conclusion. 6/10.
You could make you point more clear by using more examples. I give it a 7
You could make you point more clear by using more examples.
Well, there is a good example of how the children are mistreated. One of them dropped a glass, and the manager yelled at them, creating a hubbub. Hubbub is a good word! :-)
