A "tool" of moral education for children
Hi Everyone! Can you evaluate my essay and give some feedback? Thanks in advance.
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them to learn this distinction.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
It is one of the most vital duties of parents to start teaching their children to tell right from wrong from a very young age. Punishment may seem the most effective and the easiest way of doing so. However, I`m strongly convinced that we should avoid this method of moral education, because its side effects outweigh the benefits.
The first reason why it isn`t a good idea to punish your offspring in order to help them learn moral rules is it usually entails many negative consequences initially unintended by the parents. Punishment, whether it is physical or emotional can cause serious health problems and deep psychological traumas. In fact, some individuals spend their entire lives to overcome them. Furthermore, although reward and punishment system might sound perfect theoretically, in reality parents usually are inconsistent at their actions and they also fail to make punishment fit the crime most of the time due to the changes in their moods. It can make the children confused, because they generally have no clue about what to expect when they misbehave again. In other words, they can be grown into insecure and anxious people who consider the world as a chaotic place where no prediction is possible.
There is another vital drawback to this kind of teaching. It can mistakenly get children to associate morality with pleasure and stop them from becoming autonomous moral beings who act in a particular way not because it is commonly acceptable by others, but because it is the right thing to do. Most of the individuals who have been raised with this method tend to never quit their comfort zones, which in turn might occasionally mean to behave immorally, for instance , to neglect injustice if it doesn`t harm them. On the other hand, they may change their behavior patterns flexibly as soon as no one observes them. That is, if these people can escape penalty, they will probably cheat.
To summarize, I believe that it is not acceptable to use punishment as a tool of moral education for children. First of all, it can damage them both physically and psychologically. Also, it may lead to the misconceptions about morality.Hi there, let me assist to the best of my ability
You have a good first point but i do not entirely grasp the second point.
Punishment may seem ... However, I`m strongly convinced that ...
You did not refer to which punishment you disapprove of???
What sort of punishment should ... be allowed... This question was not answered in your essay.
I suggest you structure the essay better, here is my suggestion
Paragraph 1: Rewrite the question prompt and choose a side (agree or disagree)
Paragraph 2: Reason why you agreed or disagreed, with examples
Paragraph 3: Proper ways of correcting a child (What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
)
Paragraph 4: Conclusion, restating your opinion and why
Also try to use more synonyms. Good luck :)
@solivagant
Hi there!
Welcome to the forum. I'll try my best to assist you.
Firstly, evade the usage of synonymous terms compressed into one single sentence. It drags on your writing, creating irrelevant patterns of content. Notice when you are using similar terms, try to stick with it more consistently. If you can do this, it will help you in the long-run establish a firmer tone in your essays.
Secondly, structure is critical when you are writing. Use appropriate punctuation in areas that require them to create a more conventional written work. If you can accomplish this, you'll be able to tailor-fit your content to a more patterned written format. Keeping that in mind, you can also opt to shorten your lengthy sentences using simplification methods. If you can trim down your content's excesses, you'll be able to focus more on writing efficiently with clarity and depth.
With these two comments in mind, let me revise a small portion of your essay.
There is aAnother vital drawback to this of this kind of teaching. It can mistakenly get is that children to will associate morality with pleasure, stopping and stop them from becoming autonomous moral beings; they will act in accordance to what is right who act in ... thing to do. Most of the individuals ... tend to never quit ... turn might occasionally mean to behave immorally, ... On the other hand, tThey may ... patterns flexibly as ... them once people start looking. That is, iIf these people ..., they will probably cheat. be prone to cheating.
With these in mind, try to not elaborate too much with excesses. Remember that simplified language will help you create more meaning to your content.
Best of luck as always.
Thank you so much for your attention.
@Cautiouswriter
Do you think it is necessary to address the second question, although i disagreed with the first one? I`d been wondering about it and then ended up ignoring it. :)
@Maria
I think you are right. It seems that i try so hard to write in long sentences. But what do you mean by conventional written work?
Dear Solivagant,
Punishment can be beating, hitting (physically injured) or pretending to stop loving, holding back giving money, or ill-mannered children are not allowed to eat ice-cream or watch movies and so on. So I suggest you should clarify what kinds of punishments parents or teachers often use to teach children. From there, you can give your standpoint more clearly. And it is also easier to answer the second question.
