(I am writing for the TOEFL exam, these are three paragraphs without introduction and conclusion paragraph. As you can see, there are two positive and one negative point and in conclusion I am going to state that although there is a negative side, positive points are more important. Is it good?) Thanks
The first and foremost reason that justifies the thesis is that the childhood era is the most precious time in our life that has momentous impact on our life and is not going to be repeated. As we all are aware, during our childhood, we should acquire the basic concept of routine life, but children are prone to be distracted and bored by academic education. This left us with one choice, learning through playing. This will have a beneficial outcome only if it contains amusement for kids and to engender fun in play, the best way is to avoid competition and play merely for fun. As a survey that monitors children learning ability conducted by the MIT University indicates, a group of children who played games for fun performed thirty-five percent better that a group of kids played games for competition.
Another equally crucial aspect that requires meticulous attention is that playing with other children furnishes an opportunity of expanding social relation for a child. This can happen only if an amicable atmosphere is available for all children. To create a friendly and congenial environment, it is imperative to avoid any competition and children should be encouraged to play just for fun. The result of an experiment published in the Times Magazine vividly demonstrates it. Children are more likely to find permanent friends in times that they play a game for fun rather than the time of competition.
The former reasons proffered above should not insinuate that competition should be omitted from daily life of child. Conversely, competing with others is the key to progress in our life and can present us a clear indication of our strengths and limitations. Therefore, it is vital to let children to compete with each other to obliterate their weak points and thrive their potential strengths. Our life is a prominent example of it, we all have encountered many competing situations in our life, especially in childhood, that have assisted us to grow stronger. For instance, by competing in a national education exam in the age of six, I became aware of my strength in mathematics and my weakness in chemistry, which in turn assisted me to flourish and progress in mathematics and dedicate more time to chemistry so as to improve in that field too.
Important - you must give more useful comments to avoid account suspension.
You can also include that most children have no clear concept of competing, may it be for the reward or recognition of others. They may be unable to cope with the feeling of defeat, somehow recognition of some kindergarten students are disregarded because children at that age may compare themselves with others as a less of person in case they are not at par with other students.
Hi there. Firstly, I would like to give suggestion regarding the paragraph. I recommend you to give 1 enter to separate each paragraph to ease the reader to see which one is the first paragraph, the second, and the third. You will indirectly gain more advise if the reader understands your essay. Now let's have a closer look on your essay.
I have read through your essay and I found that the above essay is well-written and it will be better if you post the introduction and the concluding paragraph soon. The ideas in the above essay are linked with each other; it flows smoothly. The transition signals used are good. All of these signals are written properly. This goes the same to the variety of vocabulary used.
I am looking forward to read the intro and the conclusion of the above essay. Best regards.
Hi Hector, as I move along and read through your essay, I must say that you have a well managed essay. The fact is that you made sure that the words you use to associate your thoughts and ideas in the essay are very well sequenced, in a very logical order and more importantly, they are all bound to answer and justify your stand on on the topic as to children are suppose to play for fun or competition.
On a hindsight, some people such as basketball players or those ones who play professional tennis are doing both, they play for fun and competition, well, the amount of fun, I'm not sure as to which level but for sure there is an adrenalin rush in trying to win each and every game they participate. For children however, I'm a firm believer that childhood only comes once in our lifetime and so is life in general, therefore, we need to help our children to make the most of it, just like what we, adults, make the most of our life.
There you have it Hector, I hope the above insights help and should you need further assistance, do let us know and we will be here for you.
