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Toefl; Childhood is the happiest time of our life (My weakness point is writing)


aldebaran 8 / 17 2  
Jan 28, 2014   #1
First of all, let me introduce myself: I am preparing for the Toefl. My weakness point is writing. This is the reason why I am here: to improve my writing. Hope you can help me with this task. Thx in advanced.

During our lives people pass through several stages. Each of those stages has some remarkably moments. However, in my oppinon, childhood is the happiest time of a person`s life because we do not have too many responsibilities, enjoy to our parents and grandparents and we are looked after by our parents.

First and foremost, childhood is similar to no responsibilities. As long as we are growing, we have more responsibilities and duties. Think about it: when we were adolecents we had to study harder in order to had great notes and grades, then we had to find a job and so on. Yet, childhood was only about playing with your family and friends. We were happy with any kind of toys or plays and that was beautiful.

Furthermore, we have to our parents and grandparents with us. my grandparents were a strong influenced for my and I missed the time when they try to explain me everything. I remember the time when I travelled with them and spending several days far way from the city. I just smile when I remember those days and I do feel that I was happier than any other time in my life.

Last, but not least, there is an imporntant issue to this point: we feel protected. Our parents gave us not only many material things, but also their protection. According to recent researches, protection feeling is one of the most relevant aspects when we are childreen because the sensation of confort can stimulate our brains to give us happiness.

In a nutshell, I strongly believe that childhood is the happiest time of our life. Many reasons can be thought, but for me the principals are related to my memories, the lack of responsabilities and the sensation of comfort. So, I agree with the statement.

becky Y 1 / 2  
Jan 28, 2014   #2
there are a couple of spelling mistakes, and I don't think you really spend time to write it. It's hard to understand your essay, I'd suggest you to take some tofel training.
yohooooo 2 / 5  
Jan 28, 2014   #3
You have some grammar mistakes there such as - remarkably moments , childhood is a happiest time ( it's a period of life) , among others.

Big obstacles to understand your essay are in organisation and prose. You have to have your own structure to write such essays. You could achieve something by briefly planning your essay at the beginning, and when you note your ideas down you should additionally prove them by facts and give appropriate examples.
mrbin 2 / 2  
Jan 28, 2014   #4
You should let your pronouns uniform: my, I , we or our.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 29, 2014   #5
First of all, let me introduce myself: I am preparing for the Toefl. My weakness point is writing. This is the reason why I am here: to improve my writing. Hope you can help me with this task. Thx in advanced.

Welcome to Essay Forum! This is the place for getting help and offering help for English writing. Of course you would get our help and at the same time you would be asked to help for others :D ... We highly believe in give and take policy. :)

Each of those stages has some remarkably moments.

Each of those stages has some memorable moments.
OP aldebaran 8 / 17 2  
Jan 29, 2014   #6
thx to everyone for your comments. I will work during this week to improve my essays.


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