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IELTS; Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries


fahadbd 25 / 56 5  
Sep 11, 2013   #1
Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions

Health related problem such as obesity, is now a general issue anywhere around the world. Children are facing overweight which is severely triggering a concern to them. There are several reasons of causing serious effects of obesity in childhood. However, I agree with mentioned statement for some reasons.

It seems to be watertight that the growth of magnificent standard of living is likely to be a first cause of fatness for children. Children now can easily adapt with modern equipment which sometimes leads them more hours to stay home. For example,children spend host of time playing games on the computer, watching TV and sleeping long which are the primary causes of gaining too much weight. On the other word, many of them do not work out even a single hour. Fatness boosts due to the lack of proper exercise. Children sleep long time instead of doing exercise and outdoor activities. Physical exercise can stabilize the obesity of children but unexpectedly they avoid it. As a result they suffer from numerous ailments and harmful diseases.

There is another prominent cause is to be the touch of advanced technology because children nowadays are accustomed to having outdoor junk first food. These foods often contain sugar, high level of calories and higher quantity of oil. These foods deteriorate children's health and increase weight. Consumers are at higher risk of disease, because which might cause diabetes, heart disease and cancer.

In addition, the number of overweight children is on the increase. It is sometimes certainly trusted that the responsibility of parents and government should be mentioned. They should take possible steps to remain stable of childhood obesity. For instance, parents should not allow them to have outdoor food. The government will prevent by banning the production of steed food.

In conclusion, even though children are putting weight rapidly, they should have given mental support and encourage them to a healthy diet.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 11, 2013   #2
However, I agree with mentioned statement for some reasons.

This essay is not the type of Agree / Disagree. So you do not have state the opinion here.

It seems to be watertight that the growth of magnificent standard of living is likely to be a first cause of fatness for children

This is a simple idea and you present it in a complex way. Try to pay more attention towards clarity and flow of your ideas rather than constructing complicated sentences in view of displaying your vocabulary skills. It is important to show that skill, yet your essay should be interesting for the reader to follow.
OP fahadbd 25 / 56 5  
Sep 12, 2013   #3
dumi

It seems to be watertight that the growth of magnificent standard of living is likely to be a first cause of fatness for children: Children who lead a sophisticated lifestyle, are more likely to gain overweight and obesity

This is a simple idea and you present it in a complex way. Try to pay more attention towards clarity and flow of your ideas rather than constructing complicated sentences in view of displaying your vocabulary skills. It is important to show that skill, yet your essay should be interesting for the reader to fo
ARIA 16 / 43 1  
Sep 13, 2013   #4
1- There are several reasons of causing serious effects of obesity: Clear this, those reasons are "cause" of obesity or "Effect"

"There are several reasons that can cause obesity". OR. "There are several reasons that their effects are wight gaining.

2-"is now a general issue anywhere around the world." When you mentioned general, it results that can be seen everywhere. it is better to omit "anywhere".

3- your second paragraph conclude that playing computer game or watching TV are considered "growth of magnificent standard of living".
you try to prove your vocabulary in cost of your writing coherence.

4-Still you have not responded one of the questions in your essay. "the effect of the obesity". you mentioned diabetes , heart disease or cancers but in your writing they are as a result of eating too much. remember the main point in either IELTS or TOEFL test come from "proper and coherent answering of questions"

5-there is a notion in any language called "Collocation", seen in each language it is defined as; a sequence of words that often occur together. try to read more about that ant try to use more frequent and usual used words.

6- Don't give up reading along with writing, there is no short cut, only practice.

Good luck


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