Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

TOEFL: Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. Do you agree or disagree ?

jam92 4 / 7 2  
Aug 27, 2018   #1

every person have the right to express his opinion

Direction: For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development of your ideas, the organization of your essay, and the quality and accuracy of the language you use to express your ideas. You have 30 minutes to plan and complete your essay.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Kindly rate me in between 0-5. My response is given below:

From democratic point of view, every person have the right to express his opinion. The best way to express opinion in such a government system is to enfranchise. Children who are above 15 years of age are not beyond this right. Personally, I believe that people who has the sense of right or wrong and has the ability to take decision even if he is below 18 (typical age for being considered as adult) but above 15 years of age should have the right to vote.

Eventhough some people might argue saying people who are below 18 years are still termed 'children' and hence, they should not be allowed to vote, I think as because they are termed so-called 'children' they can't be deprived of their rights of voting. The term 'children' and 'adult' is defined not only on the basis of biological aspect but also considering the social aspect. Now, the aspect of society is again depends on so many things and that's why society varies around the world. If I just focus on the biological perspective, a person who is capable of reproduction can be termed as 'adult'. In most of the cases people including both male and female achieve this ability of reproduction by the age of 15. So, at this age they are adult enough and therefore, they have the right to express their opinion through voting.

Moreover, voting means expressing one's choice and taking his or her own decision. I don't think age can be a limiting factor in taking decision. Sometimes it can be seen that older people are taking wrong decision, on the other hand, a very younger people whom we call 'children' are taking right decision. So, if so-called 'children' can take decision, she or he has all the rights to express it in terms of casting vote.

In conclusion, voting is a right of a citizen that depends on the ability of taking decision. One who has achieved this ability, regardless of age, she or he should be awarded the right to vote and express their opinion.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,609 2506  
Aug 28, 2018   #2
James, based on your work for this essay prompt, I believe the best score you can get is a 2. That rating is based on the lack of clarity in your explanation, confusing opinions, and irrelevant examples. You never did say whether or not you agreed or disagreed with the statement indicated in the prompt. While you did say that you believe anyone over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote, you also said in your actual discussion that people at the age of 15 should be given the right to vote since you implied that they can already get pregnant at that age. You should have clearly stated "I disagree/agree with the given statement". Unfortunately, your response was neither here nor there in position. So your essay ended up without a real discussion point in the presentation.

You also have a misconception that "children" fall under the age of 15. A 15 year old is a teenager, a young adult. Definitely not a "child" so your discussion that insists a 15 year old is a child is flawed and unacceptable in this discussion. A 15 year old is already allowed to make simple to semi-complex decisions for themselves. So the question becomes, can a 15 year old be allowed to vote ? Do you think he understands the reasons why he has to vote and how to choose the side of the discussion or candidate to support?

You show a lack of familiarity with English reference terms in this instance, which means you did not really understand the question and its applicability to a discussion either. These are the reasons why I could not score you higher than a 2 for this essay discussion.

Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. Do you agree or disagree ?