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Children burden the hope of families and countries - be a good member of society


jamliu0229 9 / 24  
Sep 9, 2011   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Children burden the hope of families and countries. Consequently, how to educate these children to be good members is the responsibility of parents and teachers. However, some people assert that it is only parents' or only teachers' duty. From my perspective, I believe that only do parents and schools cooperate, children are able to become excellent members.

First of all, from the birth of one person, his or her parents become the first teachers of him or her. To be more exact, what the parents behave deeply affects their babies. These young children imitate their mother or father how to speak, how to greet to others and even how to walk. Accordingly, if mothers and fathers do not pay attention to overcome their bad habits(e.g., alcoholism, smoking or unheathy diet), their young children would tend to have these bad habits as well. On the contrary, if parents are addicted to read books or take regular sport, it is likely that their children have the same hobbies. Therefore, parents should cultivate their babies a regular life and good study habits from an earlier age, which are the pivotal responsibility of parents.

Further, when these children grow up, they can come into kindergardens or schools. Teachers burden the most significant duty to educate these children. When these young children become students, they have less time to live with their parents but affluent time to be educated by teachers who guide them how to study and how to get along well with others. Although some children may have some bad behaviors, schooling time is the critical moment to correct them through directly communication or indirectly guide. Hence, to some extent, schooling education can influence the future of one child.

In summary, I conclude that it is not a simple thing to teach one person to be a good member of society. Parents and schools should both burden this responsibility together.

Please help me to check this assay, thanks!

Icecreamquest 6 / 15  
Sep 9, 2011   #2
From my perspective, I believe that only when do parents and schools cooperate, children are able to become excellent members.

First of all, from the birth of one person, his or her parents become the first teachers of him or her.

On the contrary, if parents are accustomed to read books or take regular sport, ----I would like to use "be accustomed to", because "be addicted to" implicate a bit derogatory sence. But it also means "informal enthusiastically devoted to a particular thing or activity", so if you are an ambitious adventurer, you shoule try.

Further, when these children grow up, they will come into kindergardens or schools.

Nice esaay!

Happy weekend!
biran 3 / 4  
Sep 9, 2011   #3
only parents' or only teachers' duty----only parents' or teachers' duty

smoking or unheathy diet----smoking or unheathly diet

come into kindergardens or schools------kindergartens
winchesters 3 / 9  
Sep 9, 2011   #4
to be more exact....more precisely
deeply affects babies... deeply affects their kids( children)
children burden the hopes...it means they are burden on hopes....it should be children are burdened by the hopes
how to greet to others...no TO after greet....how to greet others
don't give examples in brackets....write for instance in place of e.g and continue without brackets.
BarbieTsu 2 / 4  
Sep 9, 2011   #5
don't give examples in brackets....write for instance in place of e.g and continue without brackets.

>> From winchesters's comment, I think you should use "such as" or "like" and etc in this case. For example: if mothers and fathers do not pay attention to overcome their bad habits such as alcoholism, smoking, unheathy diet and so on...

Further, when these children grow up, they can come into kindergardens or schools. Teachers burden the most significant duty to educate these children.

>> Here, you can use "therefore", "thus" and some transitions to make your sentence longer

Finally, I think your conclusion should be done carefully than this time.

Good luck.


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