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Many children these day have an unhealthy lifestyle - it's the government problem


Anh Pham 1 / -  
Oct 2, 2019   #1

Who's Responsible for children's health?



Health is the most important, but many children have an unhealthy lifestyle .Nowadays they spend long hours in front of televisions or computers.They hold smart phones all day to play video game or go on social media.They do not do enough exercise or play sports.Also, children tend to consume too much fast food and soda which are not good for health.

On one hand, both parents and school should take the responsibility for this problem.Because, parents raise the children and take care for them every day.They have a great effect on their children.Therefore, they should set an example for their children.They should limit the hours their children can watch television, use smart phone,etc.They should spend more time to play sports, do exercise or go picnic with their children as well. Beside parents should provide them more vegetable and fruit and try to have meal together.About the school,where the children are educated knowledge and skills, they spend about 6 to 8 hours a day at school.So schools should include regular exercise in student's timetable, such as physical education or compulsory sports.

On the other hand, i think the government are responsible for children's health too.They should teach people know how to have a healthy lifestyle.Beside, the government should build more public play ground, in order everyone can play sports and do exercise together.

In conclusion, i believe the government has the responsibility for slove these problem.However,parents and teachers, who are regularly contact to the children, still take the main responsibility for helping children have good health.

Hi, please give me some comments for my writing!Thank you all

thunguyen92 2 / 5 2  
Oct 2, 2019   #2
the opening of the essay should contain 2 sentences which include general topic and your opinion, then giving details in the body paragraphs
there should be a diversity of grammatical sentences, collocations and high-level vocabulary rather than active sentences
the second paragraph of the body is too short and lack of supporting ideas
renzito 3 / 4  
Oct 3, 2019   #3
this is no academic essay , your 1 paragraphs should introduce the topic and refine the question + your general opinion .

you need to practice more


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