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Have children or not - Decision; 'Fatherhood should not be ignored'


sabakhai 5 / 11  
Feb 2, 2014   #1
Generally it is considered that women should decide whether she want to have kid or not. Fatherhood is completely ignored due to such mentality of the society. There is a school of though which agrees with it but others do not.

In modern world, it is very important for women to work to make the two end meet. Woman need to take a break in her career if she wants to have kid. This can be disastour for her professional life. Also, she has to go through a lof of pain to deliver a baby. Thus, it should be her decision if she wants to have baby or not.

On the other hand, this leads to a scenario where the value of fatherhood is neglacted. In real life, husband is the main person in the family who earns the money. In addition, father can be a friend and a guide as well. Furthermore, father also takes care of the child if mother is out for her job. So, father is person who not only helps financially but also emotionally.

In my opinion, fatherhood is as valueable as motherhood. Thus, it has to be couple's joint decision if they want to have a kid or not.

OP sabakhai 5 / 11  
Feb 3, 2014   #2
Thanks for your valuable feedback.

I am preparing for IELTS. How do you rate this essay when it comes to IELTS scoring standards?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 3, 2014   #3
Yes, you need to improve a lot on your essay structure. Also, it is better if you include the purpose of your writing in the title itself. So that we can align our comments more with your task requirements. If this is for IELTS or TOEFL practicing, your essay needed to be a bit more expanded to meet the required word count.
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Feb 3, 2014   #4
For IELTS task 2 you need minimum 250 words

This can be disastour for her professional life. Also, she has to go through a lof of pain to deliver a baby. Thus, it should be her decision if she wants to have baby or not.

... I think it doesn't make a sense about motherhood
practice makes perfect :)
indah_hai 19 / 38 4  
Feb 3, 2014   #5
Moreover, I think next time you should write the complete question, because in IELTS writing we should focus on what the question ask. for example agree or disagree, advantage or disadvantage, and so on.

Good luck!


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