Some people believe that children will have a promising future if they are always rewarded by their parents or teachers when they well behave. However, others argue that if the children misbehave, they should be punished so that they could be qualified citizens. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
praise or rebuke?
Children's education is big issue worldwide. However, people differs as to how to educate their offspring being a successful and qualified society member. Many people suggest that children should be awarded when having a good performance, others believe that it is beneficial to punish children who has a bad behaviors. As I see it, we should place equal emphasis on those two measures.
It is true that rewarding children will play a crucial role in the process of their growth. To begin, there is no distinguishing the fact that children need to be motivated, it is particularly the case that they receive a good academic performance or make a subtle progress. Awards will inspire them to behave better and better, thus forming a snow ball effect . Moreover, benefits from their teachers will promote pupils' awareness of competition in the class, for example, if A was oral praised by teacher in front of whole class, it might exert a psychological hint in other pupils' heart,"why isn't me that was praised ?". therefore, they might make every effort to do better than the pupil praised.
However, education of children should not be restricted to "giving benefits". We should take punishment into consideration in the case of making mistakes or behaving badly by children. This may have an alert effect on them and prevent them from performing worse. As a result, they will realize that they will be punished if they do not comply with the disciplines or make mistakes. As the time pasts, several bad behaviors will fade away.
In sum, I am convinced that it surely does good to children's education when it comes to those two main measures, and we should also pay more attention to "what time should I award or punish my children". I am sure children will be well-developed if their parents find the balance between them.I'm confused a bit since both sides don't seem directly disagreeing with each other, and the word qualified citizen is also strange. So I will not evaluate your reasoning much.
Overall, your essay has good structure, and you also did well in the first and the last paragraph as well as developed your idea well with reasons and example.
Here is what I think you can do to improve it
1. You may split the 2nd paragraph into two paragraphs. Two arguments were being made there which make it harder for a reader to grasp all the ideas if they were in the same paragraph.
2. Pay more attention to grammars; this seems to be your biggest problem now.
3. You should use something like 'one student' instead of 'A' when giving an example of one people.
