Dear all,
Please have a look at my essay and give me some feedbacks. Thanks alot :)
Question: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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Some people believe that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged whilst many other, who disagree, point out that children should be taught to be co-operated with others. This essay will now look at some reasons for why and why not a competition should be encouraged in children.
It cannot be denied that being co-operated can help children developing their soft skills such as team work and negotiation. When working, especially in an international company, an employee is usually required to work in a project with other people. Because of that, the good skills in team work with a spirit of being co-operated is really important and necessary in life.
However, being not competitive is not always good as it does not bring some valuable advantages which can be gained by competitions.
Firstly, competition can help children to have the greatest performance, strengthen their real strength and abilities which can be hidden by laziness or self-esteem. In a competition, to win a friend, a child needs to know his or her ability best, and then have a plan to work hard and work smart. It results in a good motivation for children to improve themselves and to keep trying to attain the higher achievements.
Furthermore, children should be trained to be competitive as they will need to face many fights in the real life for benefits like higher salaries or better positions. It can be an advantage for them which can help them overcoming the shocks they may encounter and surviving in life.
To conclude, albeit cooperation can teach a child some necessary skills in life, competition is also important and should be encouraged in children as it can give them a good motivation to study and to practice, and better preparation for their future career.
Some people believe that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged whilst many other, who disagree, point out that children should be taught to be co-operatedcooperative
it cannot be denied that being co-operatedcooperative can help children developing their soft skills such as team work and negotiation.
Some people believe that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged whilst many other, who disagree, point out that children should be taught to be co-operatedco-operate with others. This essay will now lookattempts to highlightat somethe reasons for why and why notagainst encouraginga competition should be encouraged in children.
It cannot be denied that being co-operated can help children developing their soft skills such as team work and negotiation. --------------It's better you try to say this idea in a more simple way giving more emphasis to your main point. For example;
If children do not learn to co-operate with others, they would become very selfish adults in the future. This may certainly be a barrier for them to participate in team work, which is an important aspect of determining the success of one's life and career .
When working , especially in an international company, an employee is usually required to work in aproject with other people of diverse backgrounds . ------------Try to avoid including too much details that deviate from your idea. This may distract the reader's attention.
thank badjeje and dumi :)
Hello, mikneiht! Welcome...
Furthermore, children should be trained to be competitive as they will need to face many fights in the real life for benefits like higher salaries or better positions.----This is a very well-written sentence.
It can be an advantage for them which can help them overcoming overcome the shock from adversity they may encounter and surviving in life.----I made a small suggestion here.
To conclude, albeit cooperation can teach a child some necessary skills in life, competition is also important and should be encouraged in children as it can give them a good motivation to study and to practice and better preparation for their future careers.---I took out a comma and added an s. :-)
should be encouraged whilst many others ,
skills in team work with a spirit of being co-operated are
And you should try to avoid some repetition.
PS.I'm not that good at English and I will take IELTS exam next month.
Let's try our best :)
Dear all,
I got the IELTS result today :) thanks for you help on my writing :)
