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Children are facing the tension in many life aspects, such as academic, social, and commercial.


ifraanisa05 44 / 71 6  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

In recent years, children are facing the pressure in many perspectives such as academic, social, and commercial. As the experiences, the kinds of pressures are caused by parents and the social community which children live. Reducing the pressures is needed to create the better mentality of children such as giving the parenting education for parents and entering children to the right community

First of all, parents which take full responsibility to children's mentality provide the pressure itself to children such as children have to study so that they can reach the sophisticated ranks in school. The research of Cambridge University in Educational System proved 62 percent of parents put their children to other courses after schools 4 hours in average time of their leisure time. It will harm children's brain and make them stress. Parents need parenting education to understand the way of growing children so that they can reduce the pressure and take the children to the highest potential level

Secondly, the community joined by children can give the other pressures for children themselves. Friends from community usually have many perspectives in life such as having the modern life and hedonism with many modern gadgets. It will obtain another pressure in children. For instance, children who cruel with parents because they did not get any technology stuff get the pressure from their community lives. To reduce that pressure, children need to reveal their inconvenience and move to another community which provides the better social lives

All in all, parents and community who cause the pressure on children's perspective in life should be reduced to increase their potential in every subject. Taking a parenting education and changing the better education will provide less stress to children

faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
... children are facing the pressure in many ...

1. "the" is refer to something that you already mentioned before. You don't mention any pressure before so avoid to use that.

Reducing the pressures isARE needed to ...

2. PRESSURES (PLURAL) + ARE (PLURAL)

... have to study (COMMA) so that they ...

3. add comma before linking words

Taking a THE parenting education and ...

4. use "the" because you already mention parenting education before
ryan31 65 / 98 15  
Nov 28, 2016   #3
hai ifra
You writing's skill so good
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

1. try to paraphrase 'children' such as toddler, offspring, minor
2. pressure >>> burden, tension,
3. perspective >>> mindset, attitude

... and the social community which children's live.

... and community who causeare causing the pressure on children's ...
Therefore, <<< conjunction taking a parenting education ...

thanks


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