punishment for kids engaged in crime
Nowadays, with increasing of society, there is an appearance of crimes from different generations includes children and adults. Some ideas believe that children must be given the same sentences as adults if they violate the law. Regarding to me, I totally disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I will explain my points of view.
It is understandable why there is such an opinion. Firstly, it is a justice when everyone is given the same punishments if they break the same law. The law does not discriminate so that under the eyes of law, everybody at different ages is similar. Therefore, children must be punished at the same levels like finning them if they violate the traffic or some serious crimes, it is necessary to be received jail time like adults. However, with the high punishments, children may lose their future. As a matter of fact, when children suffer a long time in jail they will have no more chance to learn. Furthermore, if they have criminal records, it will be difficult for them to be believed from others. As a result, it is a disadvantage of childrens' lives.
Due to a reason above, it is accurate to reduce the limit of sentences towards children. Clearly, teenagers are not mature enough to control their minds. Some situations are hard for them to know right or wrong. At that age, their brains have not totally developed so that the lack of knowledge makes them break the law or do some serious problems. On the other hand, reducing level of punishments also awake them and fix their mistakes. Spending just few times in jail or at home may be a chance for them to think about their activities. Thus, this method is fair to everyone and benevolent for children.
In conclusion, children are also given sentences. However, limit of punishments should be reduced to give more opportunities for childrens' future.
Thanks for reading. I hope someone can help me on my essay. Thanks a lot.
Which band I can reach?I think you essay lacks of various vocabulary. You should use more advanced words to get higher mark.
You use a wide range of linking words but I give you more conjuntive adverbs. You can use 'nonetheless' or 'nevertheless' instead of using 'however' again.
Also, there are some small mistakes:
includes including children...
a the reason above
Hi, this essay was a little confusing because in your first body paragraph you said that juveniles and adults are given the same sentences and that this is justice. It sounded like you were begging the question by stating that of course kids and adults should be treated the same, but you did not really give any reasons supporting this. Then you go on to say that kids and adults should not receive the same consequences after all, so the transition you make is too abrupt and jarring to me. Maybe you meant to say that the penalties are the same now, but you think that the laws should be changed so that they are not the same? Here are some other suggestions:
Nowadays, with increasing of society, {sounds a little vague - do you mean an increased population, or that people are becoming more civilized and societies becoming more modern?}
rom different generations including children and adults. Some ideas believe
In regards to me, {this still sounds a bit odd though} , I totally disagree with this opinion.
... why there is such an opinion.{what opinion is this? it is better to clearly state it in your topic sentence}
... punished at the same levels, by for instance fining them if they violate the traffic regulations Furthermore, for some serious crimes, it is necessary that juveniles receive jail time like adults.
... difficult for them to earn the trust of others. ... a disadvantage that can follow children throughout their entire lives.
Due to this reason above, it is accurate {"accurate" is not really the correct word here} to reduce the limit of sentences
... to know right from wrong.
... break the law or make some serious mistakes.
... reducing the level of punishments also awakens them and fixes their mistakes. Spending just a few times in jail or confined to one's home {or "under house arrest"} may be ... their illicitactivities. ... and benevolent towards children.
