Children should not always follow their parents' advice
Proper parenting is a part of raising children. this includes giving advice to one's children. How often advice is taken by the children is enough? Some might believe children should always follow their parents' advice. However, I consider that children should grow up in a nurturing environment that allows them to develop their sense of self.
Children have numerous influences from the media, their schools, and friends but the household's guideline has the most crucial impact on their growth. They might start to be dependent on this advice if they constantly get told of what to do, how to behave, what is right and wrong. Instead, those take a step back to let their sons and daughters have their own time to handle the situation under parents' moderate supervision, treat them like a friend, not a parent.
Providing a safe and supportive environment for children at an early age is recommended by experts. Instead of making your "little you" say yes to your advice, we only need to be responsible adults and act as role models for the kids to reflect on. Their creative mind and self-identity will be formed over the years and they will be a helpful kid who treats others with respect and compassion than only be advice-givers. For example, I grew up in a slightly strict house due to my parents' financial security condition and I am now their proud daughter who follows my dream and picks up myself when I fail. On the other hand, my younger sister is struggling to be on her own because she always sticks around mom for advice.
Parents' advice is an important factor to raise a child. However, the amount and the situation to give them should be taken into consideration. Personally, a child will become happy and healthy when they lead their own lives with supportive parents.
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There are 2 problems with your prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph. First, the topic outline as you have interpreted it contains personal insights and opinions that were not provided in the original presentation. This personal insight has created a different prompt statement from the original. So there was a failure to interpret the topic based on the foundation that was previously provided.
Second, as an extent essay, you are expected to provide an emotional (dis)agreement with regards to this public opinion. A quick review of your opinion statement shows that there is no "extent" response provided. Therefore, you have not provided the response based on the required answer format. This is another problem that will result in a less than passing task accuracy score.
Based on the task 2 question, it will appear that you have not even responded in a framework that reflects the original requirements at all. You have provided your own topic for discussion and your own response format. The result? An essay that cannot get a passing score because you changed everything about the original presentation.
If you are not responding to a task 2 essay but to a totally different English presentation task, then you should have mentioned it at the very start of this posting. This current review is based on the IELTS task 2 response essay requirements for this topic.
Thank you for your feedback! I am going to take a careful look at the task 2 requirement, and the complete topic is "Children should always follow their parents' advice. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?" I couldn't post the entire topic so I just stated my opinion. Thanks again!