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Children can lead a better life if they gain the ability of both competition and cooperation


tcyy 1 / 1  
Dec 18, 2014   #1
I just begin my preparation of IELTS test. I am not so sure about my writing level, so I tried one and please help me to improve by giving some suggestions or feedbacks. Thank you!

Q:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
A:

Nowadays different people have different views about children's education. Some people think children ought to be taught how to compete in the society while others believe cooperation spirit is more useful in children's adult life. I think both views make sense depending on the specific situations.

Actually, a sense of competition is important for children's growing up. Children can adapt to the intense campus life as soon as they gain the ability of competition at school. They can concentrate on their study and get a better score through competition with their classmates. As a result, they increasingly build up self-confident and have ability to go ahead. Further, the competition ability benefits their sports. For example if two teams are on the soccer match, the team who has a competition sense is more likely to get succeed in the sports. The competition spirit makes them easy to win, which is good for their mental development.

However, cooperation is another important feature for children. Children have to work together and learn from each other to get improved at school. The study group is a wonderful way to teach them how to cooperate with classmates. It helps students to find the advantages of other people and learn from them. The students may get to know each other and become friends through the study group. As a result, they will gain more knowledge and learning skills. Besides, Cooperation can improve the children's social skills when they become adult. They are easy to work closely with their colleagues and make more friends when they grow up. Obviously, this teamwork skill could help them to perform better in their career.

In conclusion, the ability of competition is important as well as cooperation. Children can lead a better life if they gain all the two important skills.

SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Dec 18, 2014   #2
please help me

Hi, Tcyy. Welcome to Essay Forum. My pleasure to help you.

Please aware about the layout, it affects the reader's attention. I mean, give a space between your paragraphs.

Nowadays different people have different views about children's education. Some people think children ought to be taught how to compete in the society while others believe cooperation spirit is more useful in children's adult life. I think both views make sense depending on the specific situations.

Here quite answer the task responses to me, but let me give a possible intro for you to compare.
Childhood is the golden age to learn. Hereupon, some people argue that the value of competition should be taught in such phase. However, another arguments underline that teaching to be cooperate in childhood brings more provision for the adulthood living in comparison with teaching to be competitive. In my opinion, both of views can be discuss with several reasons.

Actually, a sense of competition is important for children's growing up. Children can adapt to the intense campus life as soon as they gain the ability of competition at school. They can concentrate on their study and get a better score through competition with their classmates. As a result, they increasingly build up self-confident and have ability to go ahead. Further, the competition ability benefits their sports.( You take a new idea here.I suggest you to choose a topic sentence then supports it) For example if two teams are on the soccer match, the team who has a competition sense is more likely to get succeed in the sports. The competition spirit makes them easy to win, which is good for their mental development.

Sense of competitive leads children to be fair. A lesson to thrill of victory is sweeter if you have known the agony of defeat. As the children know the struggle to become a winner and defeat fairly with all of the effort, a live lesson to be fair and strong already constructed in their mental process. This is the reason why in America the building values of competition is a must. In 2013, National Federation of School Associations recorded approximately 7, 7 million children in US played a sport in school sport team. While children already familiar in competing in the right way, it continues in their next live phase to be a competitive person.

However, cooperation is another important feature for children. Children have to work together and learn from each other to get improved at school. The study group is a wonderful way to teach them how to cooperate with classmates. It helps students to find the advantages of other people and learn from them. The students may get to know each other and become friends through the study group. As a result, they will gain more knowledge and learning skills. Besides, Cooperation can improve the children's social skills when they become adult. They are easy to work closely with their colleagues and make more friends when they grow up. Obviously, this teamwork skill could help them to perform better in their career.

To me this is a signal of redundancy, avoid this is your further writing.

On the other hand, the idea to teaching to be cooperative is more benevolent for children rather than a lesson about competition. Cooperation can be guide children to be aware about surroundings in case of pursuing the goals. A psychologist from the University of St. Thomas proves that children ages 9 to 14 shows the best result while they perform three throws basketball with cooperation alongside when a child is pitted against another. Based on this view, I agree that sometimes reaching a goal needs cooperation.

In conclusion, the ability of competition is important as well as cooperation. Children can lead a better life if they gain all the two important skills.

This is too simple to stand as conclusion. If you could, re-write it.

Hopefully it helps :D
OP tcyy 1 / 1  
Dec 21, 2014   #3
Thank you very much, SHanafi. It's so nice of you. I think it's better than before and I'll follow your suggestions!


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