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The children live at boarding school or the other places

Mastuki Xenoph 1 / -  
Oct 4, 2017   #1
Some people feel that boarding schools (where students or pupils live at the school during the term) are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons. Consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion.

children life at dormitory

Argued that pupils living at boarding house will be better than other places. Meanwhile, other societies disagree concern this argument because of many reasons. This essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding view.

On the one hand, live at barracks will grow up children`s emotional maturity. Because they will learn how to live independently without depending on the parent. For instance, after finishing study at school they should also portion out time to another activity like cooking, eating, reading Qur'an, and washing. Besides, they are also smart to manage outcome and income during the stay in there. For this case, this encourages their idea and emotional to grow more adult than before. Thus, they will have a great personality

On the other hand, another argument assumes that life at boarding house is the hazard to their life. Because of without parents, nobody controlling their behavior causes student`s habit nastier. For example, they will have opportunities to spend time such as hang out, playing a game, and taking a rest. This will reduce their personality, and even it can disappear identity. Furthermore, children`s age still tending label will support to shape becoming criminal human. As a result, live at boarding house will be difficult in developing them, and home is really better for their life.

Overall, it appears that life at dormitory has not determined a better result for children, for without parent`s attendance will cause their life in danger, and it is one of crucial thing in their future. Thus, to shape the independent child should build the clear relation between home and boarding house.
ayibram 6 / 16 2  
Oct 4, 2017   #2
@Mastuki Xenoph
Hi Mastuki, it is a good essay when you can provide both views in a balanced way. I think you should check in subject-verb agreement such as :

Argued that pupils living at boarding house ... <-- it should have a subject, you may add Some people,


This will reduce their personality, and even it can disappear identity <-- you may add their identity
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Oct 4, 2017   #3
Hi, your first body paragraph is not as convincing as it might be, since students who live at home also need to assign time to read, study, and do their chores -

try to differentiate the boarding school kids a little more. In your second body paragraph, I assume the teachers are controlling the students' behaviour - if not, you need to state why they cannot. Also, explain why playing games and resting are such bad things. Here are some other suggestions:

Your first sentence is a fragment as it is missing a subject.

build the clear relation between home and boarding house. {I am not sure what you are proposing - this is confusing to me
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,568 4443  
Oct 4, 2017   #4
Matsuki, first of all, leave the religious references at the door. In a general English test, be it IELTS or TOEFL, it is important to not refer to a specific social status, religion, or gender in order to create an essay that will not offend anyone. So the reference to studying the Qu'ran, take that out. Use general information only.

Next, learn the different word meaning and descriptions for terms. You cannot describe the boarding house a "barracks" because, while that is a type of group housing, that term refers to a military settlement instead of a civilian, educational dormitory. There is also a difference between the words "live" and "life". You have a problem with your English vocabulary usage. The grammar and sentence development is so bad that you will definitely be scored down in all 4 sections of the criteria with your GRA suffering the most and the LR coming in at a close second. This isn't an essay that will pass the test at this point.

At this point, while you did an almost acceptable job in the TA section, you still cannot coherently and cohesively present your line of reasoning and supporting evidence. It may be best for you to not work on these essay exercises yet. You may want to consider doing more sentence structure building exercises first in order to improve your grammar and vocabulary skills.

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