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[IELTS]should children be made to obey the rules?


findthetime 5 / 9  
Apr 17, 2011   #1
Not satisfied with this piece,pls help to correct and thank you all.

Some people say that children should be made to obey rules while other people think children who are controlled too much will not be well-prepared for their adult life. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

To identify a better method in education of children's behaviors,a frequent topic is in discussion on whether children should be regulated to obey rules.Some people think such obedience is necessary ,while others believe it would not benefit the children when they grow up.

Admittedly,the argument that children should be taught to obey rules is not groundless.This is because our society is running with a variety of rules and laws,and each individual needs to abide by rules to ensure the society would not be chaotic.That is to say,for the purpose of stablize society and make it function regularly,children need to be imparted with the sense of obey the rules in advance as a preparation before growing into working adults.

On the other hand,the conclusion of obedience does not assume that children should be overly controlled.In fact,excessive control might disadvantage children's development in several respects. The first one is asscioated with characteristic.For example,in some cases that students are required to wear uniform in school to achieve the conformity,this rule has largely suffocate the individualisms of children and suppress the creativity as well,because appearence or wearing is the way people express their charcter.Another drawback lies in the personality,those children who are raised under over control have poor ability to deal with the difficulty,and the reason for this might involve the overprotection from adults.These children need to obey the strict rules that parents provided to prevent them from hazard or going astray.However,children cultivated with such education are usually immature in psychology,finding it difficult to cope with the challenge in their future lives.

In brief,I think rules that settled to children should be flexible and they indeed need to obey those rules that associated with moral repect,as they play a pivotal role to ensure the stability of society.Therefore,excessive control is not necessary,because children should be given a freedom to develop their personality with the tempering of environment.

axa - / 4  
Apr 18, 2011   #2
You have presented substantial arguments on both sides and concluded with your opinion. That is a good way to construct you essay. There are, however, a few grammatical mistakes that need to be highlighted.

That is to say,for the purpose of stablize society and make it function regularly,
for the prupose of a stable society or for better functioning and stability of the society

children need to be imparted with the sense of obey the rules in advance as a preparation before growing into working adults
with the sense of obedience for rules
OP findthetime 5 / 9  
Apr 18, 2011   #3
Aqsa Khalid -Thanks for your suggestion :)

These children need to obey the strict rules that parents provided to prevent them from hazard or going astray.

I think it's a little weird...actually I feel the whole passage not that natural after I finish.
So anyone could give me more opinion...Thank you all:)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Apr 20, 2011   #4
I think you should add another sentence to that first paragraph. The thesis statement is missing! Add a sentence to the end of that paragraph and make it a sentence that contains the message of the essay.

These children need to obey the strict rules that parents provided provide to prevent them falling victim to hazards or going astray.However,children cultivated with such education are usually immature in psychology,finding it difficult to cope with the challenge in their future lives.

You have a very nice writing style!

I agree with that last sentence of the essay. It seems like you think some control is good but not too much. That seems right.


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