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Children are misled, while promoters consider advertising as a source of useful information


There are many advertisements directed at children. Parents argue that children are misled, while advertisers consider advertising a source of useful information. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, b the fast development of television media, newspapers and internet, the increasing amount of advertisement is spiring up all over around. Some people assert that advertisement is an effective way to promote products, while some parents are concerned that some of them could cause a series of problems on their children.

Those in favor of advertisement providing useful information argue that the advertisement have connected the products with the potential customers. Especially for those new products, it have been seen as the most effective and efficient method to introduce their products entering into the market. And it is true that advertisements help company an uplift in sales revenue, as a result, benefit to the economy growth. Moreover, without the support of advertisement, some TV channels and internet companies can not provide such good programs to the audience, because it is likely the most important funding for producers.

However, there are indeed some potential risks especially for those children who do not have enough ability to control themselves. Because of their inability to differentiate the good from the bad, children tend to buy or ask their parents to buy some goods which is not really necessary or even some unhealthy food. For instance, it is easily and often to see a junk food advertisement like KFC and Coke Cola, which are proved to be harmful to children's health. Whilst those advertisers usually produce the advertisement with famous and popular actors and singers, thereby, children would always like to buy those products that their favourite star advertises. Children who frequently exposed to advertisement are therefore more likely to develop an unhealthy diet and foster a bad consumption hobbit.

In my own opinion, I am convinced that to a certain extent advertisements have affected children's healthy growth even though they made some contribution to the economy. Therefore, governments ought to be the ruler to control the content of advertisement by establishing a comprehensive regulations.

Dec 5, 2014   #2
Hello Demi_chang :D Your essay is really clearly written, yet there are still some mistakes that you should pay attention to:

1.

Nowadays, with b the fast development of television media, newspapers and internet, the increasing amount of advertisement is spiring up all over around. Some people assert that advertisement is an effective way to promote products, while some parents are concerned that some of them could cause a series(well I don't think series is a good word here, because with series you are talking about many problems that lead to each others, which is NOT mentioned in your essay, don't you think?) of problems on their children.

I suggest providing your stance in the introduction, as readers always love to see personal preference and somehow impressed by the writers' opinions.

2.

Those in favor of advertisement providing useful information argue that the advertisement have connected the products with the potential customers. Especially for those new products, it have been seen as the most effective and efficient method to introduce their products entering into the market. And it is true that advertisements help company an uplift in sales revenue, as a result, benefit to the economy growth. Moreover, without the support of advertisement, some TV channels and internet companies can not provide such good programs to the audience, because it is likely the most important funding for producers.

Okay, in the topic sentence you have mentioned that advertisement provides useful information and connects the products with potential customers. But let see what you use to support:

And it is true that advertisements help company an uplift in sales revenue, as a result, benefit to the economy growth

-> this one is talking about economic values, which is pretty digressing from the topic of "provide useful information" right?

Moreover, without the support of advertisement, some TV channels and internet companies can not provide such good programs to the audience, because it is likely the most important funding for producers.

-> This sentence has the same problem. Even though it is a good idea, but it does not relate to your topic sentence -> you will probably lose marks here.

3.

However, there are indeed some potential risks especially for those children who do not have enough ability to control themselves. Because of their inability to differentiate the good from the bad, children tend to buy or ask their parents to buy some goods which is not really necessary or even some unhealthy food. For instance, it is easily and often to see a junk food advertisement like KFC and Coke Cola, which are proved to be harmful to children's health(are you sure??? I mean, they are food and they are good, right. If they are harmful, then they are harmful also to the adult. What i'd like you to say here is to specify your saying by adding: "if abused" or "if used with excessive amount", then it would be much more convincing) . Whilst those advertisers usually produce the advertisement with famous and popular actors and singers, thereby, children would always like to buy those products that their favourite star advertises. Children who frequently exposed to advertisement are therefore more likely to develop an unhealthy diet and foster a bad consumption hobbithabit .

4.

In my own opinion, I am convinced that to a certain extent advertisements have affected children's healthy growth even though they made some contribution to the economy(ATTENTION PLEASE: this is not what you mentioned at the introduction, and not what you have said in the 1st body paragraph, so choose words carefully to summerize) . Therefore, governments ought to be the ruler to control the content of advertisement by establishing a comprehensive regulations.


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