Hello Chandni, I'm glad to see you here. In my opinion, it is a great essay and can easily understand. But I will give some improvements and suggestion to it. Here it goes... :)
Invention (1) of television, computers, laptops, and other high speed gadgets with the corroboration of internet have given us access to the entire world. Media is supposed to be the most powerful entity on this world as they have the power to control the mind of the masses. And though some may disagree with the degree of media's influence on children and believe that children's peer groups and parental role models influence children's behavior more than media (2), the trend of media cannot be overlooked. For instance, children today demand iPhones and iPads, and tablets and are seen more prone to them than playing on a playground. (3)My niece, in her spare time, likes to tweet about her projects and read fashion blogs than go out and play hide and seek. (4)
1. You can change it to the word "Breaktrough", as a sophisticated word. :)
2. It is a comparison sentence, and you have to put in an adjective on it.
3. Children at the moment tend to play games on iPhones and iPads, because they are more interesting than playing on a playground.
4. For example, my niece, when she has free time, she prefers tweeting her projects and read blogs than going out and playing physically with friends.All in all (1), though parental role models and peer groups (2) can influence a child's behavior a lot. Media on a greater scale has a role to play towards society. Children being the most naive and easy target of this influence, become a victim. Hence, increasing violence in media is the cause of increasing violence in our society.
1. It is an informal word. You can use "To sum up", "To conclude", or "In conclusion" in it.
2. You can change this word to "brackets", the synonym of groups.