The question asked you to discuss both opinions, so I think you should describe more in your third paragraph, so the structure of the essay can show balance. Besides, your responses are convincing.
Hi Josh, since you are asking to have your test scored, I prefer to do it on an individual basis so that you will know exactly where your strong and weak points are. Let's get started below:
TA - 6 - Paragraph 4, your personal opinion, should have explained why you do not believe that parents should be blamed for the rise in obesity among children. You need to counter the public point of view in order to convince the reader that your personal opinion is the correct one.
C&C - 6 - There are times when the length of your sentences hinder the understanding of your presentation. While you discuss only one topic within the paragraphs, the lack of rest points in the paragraph for the reader makes the passage difficult to follow thus making it confusing to read at times.
LR - 6 - Your lexical resource for the English language is intermediate. You know enough to get your point across but your word choices lack a complexity that would offer the idea that you have an increased English vocabulary capacity.
GRA - 5 - You are attempting to use complex sentences but end up presenting run-on sentences instead. Always divide your sentences into short but informative presentations. Your run-on sentences are created by your use of commas to connect your thoughts in the sentence, even if the ideas are not connected and should be presented individually instead. Limit your sentences to 5 informative presentations that do not over discuss the topic.
This is not a bad first attempt. You could probably score a 6.5 for this type of writing. That means you have the potential to reach your target score of 8 if you can improve your lexical resources, develop better sentence presentations, and learn to create highly informative paragraphs that do not ramble on. Keep writing. I have a feeling you will reach your target score sooner rather than later. I look forward to helping you achieve that.