Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

[task 2] children should not do any paid job, in spite of its benefits

LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Nov 2, 2017   #1
Children are engaged in some kind of paid job
Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

paid job for children: right or wrong

These days, children work for pay in certain cases. Some people look upon this as wrong by any criterion, while others deem it as worthwhile work experience, key to cultivating a sense of responsibility. In this essay, I will discuss each point of view, and continue with my own opinion.

Those who object to children participating in paid employment make a case that they are not qualified workers in the age of tremendous technological advancement. So many posts are highly professionalized, that there are few left to the poorly educated. Children, unfortunately, are right among the ranks, since they generally do not possess even a high school diploma. It is definitely no good for those not full-fledged to take on demanding tasks. However, this argument is challenged by other people, who believe paid jobs are not necessarily regular or exacting nowadays.

They contend that children can also gain precious work experience when they are paid by neighbors for baby-sitting, feeding pets or shoveling snow. As trivial as these jobs look, they are actually perfect opportunities for boys and girls to improve practical skills, and above all, learn to assume responsibility. Their rewards depend on their performance - if they do not take their assignments seriously, the pay will be embarrassingly low. To avoid the prospect of any financial loss, they will conscientiously fulfill their duty. Indeed, money incentives have their merits in this respect, but I think they do much more harm than good.

In my opinion, children's engagement in financially rewarded work is downright wrong. Mentally undeveloped, boys and girls are prone to taking tangible rewards for grant. If the tendency is followed, they are unlikely to do others a favor unless cash payment is involved. They will thus become mercenary, a serious consequence none will not regret.

Considering all these arguments I have provided, my conclusion is that children should not do any paid job, in spite of its benefits. They simply do not have the capacity for most of positions. More important, they can hardly be generous if they are used to this type of jobs.

348 words.
This time, I made corrections on my presentation. Hope it works. I will more appreciate it if you score my essay.
Raza93 5 / 8 1  
Nov 2, 2017   #2
Hello! I think you started off well, with straightforwardly answering the question. But the essay somewhat loses it when you say "In this essay......" You should tell the reader that what specifically are you going to talk about because "each point of view" is a vague statement. It will vary from person to person. The key here is to be specific and tell readers that what pros and cons will you discuss in the essay. Other than that the essay is good, you've stick to one argument and it is convenient to read.

Home / Writing Feedback / [task 2] children should not do any paid job, in spite of its benefits