gaming over the internet
These days, more and more children spend a lot of their time playing games online. This essay will examine the positive effect and negative effects of playing games.
On the one hand, technology is increasingly developing, so children need to play online games. Firstly, children can study by playing games. And many games are very interesting for children because they use many characters in cartoons. Therefore, it is a fun and easy way for children to learn new things and they can develop their imagination, fantasy through playing those. For example, there are many online games for children to learn while playing to learn more knowledge that helps develop more thinking. Secondly, through playing games, it is possible to stimulate connections and brain activity. A study of perceptions through analysis of the structural composition and cohesion of the booster on gamers published in the scientific journal found that the gamers who have a higher cognitive ability than ordinary people have a higher concentration than usual and their hand-eye coordination. Besides, they can react in the fastest way in all circumstances, they can become have good team-work skills.
On the other hand, spending too much time playing games online might be dangerous for children. For instance, some children may not do their homework, study, or play sports because they are addicted to play games and play those most of the time. Second, playing games that narrow their relationship. Children did not have much time to socialize with the outside and they were immersed in the game. Playing games is a virtual world, through which children will have some friends, but that number is not much, and it does not make up for friends and good relationships they have lost.
In conclusion, I would like to suggest that although children play online games today have many harms, this is not necessarily a negative trend. It can be good for children if playing the game intelligently and balanced it will bring many benefits to children.Hi, I found some mistakes. Be more careful!
- positive effects
- ... to learn while playing to learn more knowledge? that helps ... I think this makes the sentence confusing. My suggestion is to get rid of it.
- ... and their hand-eye coordination is what?. You didn't say anything about it!
- can become have ? you can only use have to express your idea in this circumstance.
- addicted to playing games
- playing games that-> can/might/would narrow their relationship. This sentence lacks main verb.
- their relationships
-... did not have much time to socialize. You have to use do because it doesn't make sense if you use simple past tense. So as were-> are immersed
- have much time. Try not to use much, instead, use little time
- Playing games is a virtual world? Games are virtual world, not playing games.
- children play online games today have many harms. This sentence is wrong because it has two main verbs. You should write children playing online games has many harms today,...
Hope my suggestions helpful!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,807 
4780 I believe that the original prompt for this essay asks you which point of view you agree with. This is not an A/D with opinion essay. It is a mere opinion essay. So at the end of the paraphrase, there must have been a reference to the point of view that you agree with. There were only 2 choices given in the original prompt:
- Some believe this is a beneficial trend
- others think it is detrimental.
The discussion instruction is: Which viewpoint do you agree with?
So, based on the presentation that you made, it appears that you not only changed the discussion requirements (from single point of view to comparison discussion) but that you also left your actual response (not a negative trend) for the concluding paragraph. Therefore, the essay presentation is not aligned with the expected discussion requirements and presentation. As such, the essay will be deemed to not be presenting the proper discussion format, leading to a very low final score, as your other scoring errors will also be considered in the final outcome.
Had the prompt actually asked you to discuss the advantages and disadvantages, you will never be asked to give an opinion. The A/D discussion does not require you to present an opinion. These essays are only 4 paragraph presentations. I believe that you made up the prompt, based on the presentations found online and in the books. You should not create your own prompt for responding to. That will cause you to learn how to respond to the essays improperly as you do not really know how to create a proper prompt for your own writing.
The presentation itself does not present a balanced discussion. It is important that you do not over discuss the presentation. You begin to lack clarity and cohesiveness the minute you present a second reason in the same paragraph. Unless you use a transition sentence to connect the two topics, and you can justify the second reason as being related to the first, your second reason ends up creating an under developed paragraph instead. Fully develop one idea instead so you can get a full score for a fully developed topic presentation.
