Please give me some writing feedbacks, I appreciate this!!
Sports are a great way to have fun and stay active. Kids have a lot of choices about which sports to do and whether to compete in sports or just play it for fun. Obviously, some children would choose to compete in sports. Nevertheless, from my point of view, If the child is not a sport talent, I would definitely suggest him or her playing sports just for fun, not in competitions or contests.
First of all, sports competition involves in a multitude of pressure, which children currently have suffered too much. To put it exactly, the greatest sports competition in the world, the Olymipics Games, which a great number of athletes from all over the planet engage in every four years, has drawed too much attention from the people all over the world. In this case,the professional athletes's psychological defense is broken down by the enormous pressure they faced and these athletes give up on their competetions. As we can see, such eminent athletes are unable to undertake the pressure drived from the sports competition, needless to say children.
In addition, playing sports for fun is also less physically demanding and therefore involves much less risk of injury. It is undisputable that children take part in sports just in order to stay fit, so getting injury is obviously not a part of this objective. Take myself for instance, when I was in high school, I 'd like to shoot basketball at the park with my friends. With the improvement of my basketball skills, I choose to attend to my high school basketball team. At first everything is fine, but at one contest against another high school basketball team, I broken my knee. Then I can not even walk on my own! This accident caused me abandoned my studies for months to cure my knees at home.
Admittedly, the success of competition could strengthen the children's faith and reinforce their team work skills, which is helpful for the children's future life to some extent. Whereas parents may become overly in these successes and therefore force their children to engage in more vigorous competition. In these competitions, one failure in one game maybe destroy the children's confidence that has gathered in the previous games.
Having considered all the discussion above, It is essential for children to stay healthy and keep a pleasant mood. Therefore they should play sports just for fun and do not attend any sports competitions.
Well, I like your point of view!
And, you do use some great examples to support them.
Beside, I didn't see any obviously grammatical problem.
Wish you good luck! =)
Thanks for your advice a lot!!! I really appreciate ,especially for the ACL thing! I do not know it yet before! I was meant to write "broke one of my ankles" anyway!
(just support the topic sentence. I think, what you wrote as the supporting statements are in disagreement with the topic sentence. .
I used this sentence to support my whole point, which is "children should not attend sport competition" , as one of the side effect of attending competition, I wanna ask why this sentence is not appropriate here?
By the way, I've read your profile and observed you are in University of Melbourne,and coincidentally, I am applying for your university right now!
Are you an undergraduate student or a postgraduate there?
I used this sentence to support my whole point, which is "children should not attend sport competition" , as one of the side effect of attending competition, I wanna ask why this sentence is not appropriate here?
Your topic sentence: " the success of competition could strengthen the children's faith and reinforce their team work skills, which is helpful for the children's future life to some extent"--> this topic sentence mentions some positive aspects of competition, while in the rest of the paragraph you are trying to convince the reader that it has some disadvantages. Perhaps the phrase "to some extend" shows that you are going to say something about the disadvantages, but it is better to write a more clear topic sentence. A topic sentence, as you may know, includes two main parts: general idea, precise opinion. Write these two parts more apparently :)
Are you an undergraduate student or a postgraduate there?
Actually, I am a PhD candidate. Hope see you soon :)
Wish you luck
Oh, I see, the logic connection is not very clear after I reread my sentence again.
Actually, I am a PhD candidate. Hope see you soon :)Wish you luck
Thank u~ May you tell me what subject you major in ?
All right~~my major has nothing to do with your major at all~haha, accounting,actually~
I love scientific guy though I always do not know some scientist was talking about~
