TOEFL: children should not only play or study without doing any housework

Hi all! I am new here and I find it a lovely website.
I am preparing for toefl and hope to receive as much advice as possible.
So please help with my essay. Make corrections for me and grade it out of 5 if you could.
I appreciate your help.

Should children only play and study without doing any housework？

When it comes to the problem of educating children, whether children should do housework or not has aroused heated discussion. As far as I'm concerned, requiring children to do housework is beyond doubt a benefit for both the children and the family for it teaches children to be responsible as a family member, equips children with necessary skills for independence and strengthens the family ties. Therefore, children should not only play or study without doing any housework.

Firstly, doing housework is the basic responsibility for a family member, and children is no exception. Children who do housework apart from playing and studying will develop a sense of duty since young, which is essential in forming their character. Most educators agree that training the young's personality should be put at the first place, even before inculcating them with knowledge. So doing housework should be an indispensable part in one's childhood as well as in one's self-perfection.

Secondly, doing housework teaches children the fundamental abilities, which come in handy when they seek independence from their family later in life. The trivial housework, such as washing the dishes, mopping the floor and making the bed, will be an inevitable task confronting them when they live independently. Children who do no housework are likely to struggle when they are finally away from their parents who prepare everything well for them. It is not rare to hear news reporting students lacking basic surviving skills fail in university, however excellent they are academically. There is no denying that the absence of housework in their early life results in that they cannot promptly adapt to their adult life with ease.

Thirdly, children who do housework understands how to share the family burden in the process, thus strengthening the family ties. Take myself as an example, I was a rebel girl in childhood, always causing troubles for my parents. I was told to mind only my study then until one day the teacher assigned a task to do one piece of housework for our families. So I went home volunteering to sweep the floor. Easy as it may seem, I ended up exhausted after finishing the task. Ever since then, I came to be aware of how much my parents are burdened with and gradually restrained my rebellion. It was because of that event that I began to understand the laborious work they do for the family and started to do all I could to alleviate the burden for them. As a result, the family relationship seemed closer.

In a word, children should do housework besides playing and studying. Because it is the basic duty of a family member, an indispensable process to independence and a key to maintain good family relationship.

You bring up many good points about housework! Kids doing work is defended well with three points. You have an intro and conclusion.

is beyond doubt a benefit...

SUGGESTION: is doubtless beneficial...

Sometimes condensing words makes a concise impact. Your vocabulary and grammar are good. I just think word choices needs attention.

In a word...

SUGGESTION: In conclusion...

You could expand your conclusion with a new thought to make it interesting. Just a general observation might be a good addition! Perhaps you could say it builds good morals. Housework will instill good values in kids, besides their play and schoolwork.

Good job!

ef. _carol

Good. Still, this intro has a weak thesis statement, since it is not followed by a well-structured outline. Let me give a try;


Well, this prompt is asking whether you are against or not. So, this would be: it is believed that young teenagers should spend more time playing and studying rather than to do some household chores (background). It is agreed that the first two activities bring benefits to children, compared to the latter one (thesis). Firstly, this essay will show the fact that playing and studying increase self-esteem and secondly, discuss how these activities provide a child some opportunities for developing social skills (outline).

As it can be predicted, the outline will be written as the topic sentences in each paragraph. Yet, this essay needs more ideas to cogitate about how housework benefits children as well, so as to present a balanced view, so called a concession statement. For this, here is some concession as per the topics above

- concession 1:
Despite this, people in developed countries believed that if children are given more chances to do some household chores, then the youth will feel happier, as they can make a meaningful contribution to their families.

- concession 2:
However, some may argue that housework is a great way to teach a child about responsibility, since the importance of keeping a house clean is a challenge.


According to the rule of academic writing, a concluding paragraph consists of a restated thesis (plus points of view) and your personal statement: a recommendation, hopes or fears. A closer look at my model answer:

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although doing housework leads children to become more mentally aware at family, studying and playing help them develop their internal and external experiences (the restated thesis plus points of view). It is imperative that these life skills should be introduced in early childhood education (a recommendation).

NB:


it is an essay with a score of 4.
Since I work with a cellphone, my apologies if I have some problems with spellings :)

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.