Due toRapid technological revolution, Software Company's delivers attractive, entertaining computer games to target children which make them to elude other extracurricular activities.
It should be either "rapid technological advancement"
or "technological revolution"
"Software companies deliver " is the correct form.
It is a negative development, continuous playing computer games which affects children both mental and physical health.It is a negative development that would adversely affect children's mental and physical health.
Electronic games with audio effects engage children to play for long hours.
... good sentence :)
Due to lack of space in apartment or home to play, they
selectingselect computer games as their leisure time activity
... this is a very strong pointDue to lack of space in home environment for out door games, children are left with the option of playing computer games during their leisure time.
You have good points and good presentation. However, you need to talk about how this activity negatively affect the society and especially children. That's what your prompt requests and you have not given focus to that aspect in your essay. Instead you talk more about the reasons why children are attracted towards these games.