Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS-Children prefer electronic games to other games and toys.Why is it happening


devabe2005 46 / 97  
Jan 31, 2013   #1
QUESTION:
Children nowadays prefer electronic games to other games and toys. Why is it happening? Is it a positive or a negative trend?

:ANSWER:
Rapid technological revolution, Software Company's delivers attractive, entertaining computer games to target children which make them to elude other extracurricular activities. It is a negative development, continuous playing computer games which affects children both mental and physical health.

Electronic games with audio effects engage children to play for long hours. Children are not allowed outside for playing without supervision. So they choose computer or other electronic games to fulfill their gaming spirit. Due to lack of space in apartment or home to play, they selecting computer games as their leisure time activity. Computer games give score and level to motivate children to get higher score and to elevate higher levels in the game.

Moreover, computer games which make them addict and result in increase of obesity in children. Both the parents are working which make children isolated at home without supervision they are continuous playing electronic games and they lack communication and team building skills. Kids are deviated from studies which make them violent and aggressive. Children will cheat their parents that they got fever and put leave to school and continue to play online games.

To conclude, electronic games attract children than any other games. Due to various causes like easy availability of computer system, mobile and other gadgets at home this makes children to play the games. There is various health risk involved in continuous playing of electronic games like depression, stress, anxiety and so on. It is a negative development of children playing electronic games and avoiding other games.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 31, 2013   #2
Due toRapid technological revolution, Software Company's delivers attractive, entertaining computer games to target children which make them to elude other extracurricular activities.

It should be either "rapid technological advancement" or "technological revolution"
"Software companies deliver " is the correct form.

It is a negative development, continuous playing computer games which affects children both mental and physical health.

It is a negative development that would adversely affect children's mental and physical health.

Electronic games with audio effects engage children to play for long hours.

... good sentence :)

Due to lack of space in apartment or home to play, they selectingselect computer games as their leisure time activity

... this is a very strong point
Due to lack of space in home environment for out door games, children are left with the option of playing computer games during their leisure time.

You have good points and good presentation. However, you need to talk about how this activity negatively affect the society and especially children. That's what your prompt requests and you have not given focus to that aspect in your essay. Instead you talk more about the reasons why children are attracted towards these games.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS-Children prefer electronic games to other games and toys.Why is it happening