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TOEFL TASK: children prepare for adult life → do a part-time job


Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Mar 6, 2016   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. (30 minutes)


Within the last few decades, there has been an unprecedented development of people's perception about work. Nowadays, even parents prefer to cultivate their kids to prepare for their future jobs; for example, an increasing number of my classmates are cultivated to do part-time jobs during their sparing time. So I agree with the statement that it is one of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life to encourage them to take a part-time job, for three reasons: time management, financial awareness, social skills.

First of all, it is believed that doing a part-time job is of great assitance to arrange the schedule, which is helpful to prepare for adult life. As time goes by, children grow up and they will find that there will be more tasks in their lives in the future. Not only do they need to pay atttenition to their work, but they are also concerned about their family members. Balancing between studying and working is a kind of preparation to maximize job efficacy and fulfill multiple tasks in a time limitation.

Second, children now do not have too much awareness of finance, so they usually have tight budgets. It is a crucial choice to render students to make money by themselves and as a result, they will know how hard it is to make a living. Also, because the money is earned by themselves, they may have interest in saving and investing. Owing to the great significance of money in people's lives, it is fundamental for them to do a part-time job to prepare for adult life.

Last but not least, during the process of working, students will have a good command of social skills, which is pivotal in the future. For example, salesmen must have communication skills so they can sell their products quickly. Before entering the adult world, kids are familiar with their friends and are close to their family. But it is indeed to get in touch with strangers in society for the sake of their jobs' characteristics. A proper way to develop social skills is to do a part-time job, to meet different sorts of people in this world.

All in all, I agree with the opinion that young people should be encouraged to work early to prepare for adult life, which is beneficial to manage time, money and improve social skills.With this set of preparation, it will be easier for them to live independently in the future.
Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Mar 6, 2016   #2
Hello

Below are some stylistic adjustments that I think you should apply to the text:

of people's perception about work . - in people's perception of employment
even parents prefer to cultivate their kids to prepare for their future jobs - parents try to raise their children in the manner that would prepare the latter for a particular professional career in the future.

sparing - spare
So I agree - I do agree
to encourage - by encouraging
First of all, it is believed that doing a part-time job is of great assitance to arrange the schedule, which is helpful to prepare for adult life . - First, it is commonly believed that by having a part-time job, one will be much likely to develop time-managing skills, which in turn will help the concerned individual during the adulthood.

but they are also concerned about their family members . - but also to their family members
studying and working - study and work
awareness of finance - awareness of how finances work
It is a crucial choice - it is crucially important
to make money by themselves - to have their own sources of income

Also, I would recommend that you avoid the repetitive phrases, like 'to prepare for adult life'. You could say 'to prepare to what awaits for them in the future'.

I hope this came of help. Regards.


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