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Should children be reeducated with severe methods?


masteringIELTS 1 / 1  
Apr 25, 2014   #1
A healthful comportament in childhood depends in many cases on religious and cultural matters. Consequently, the sense of politeness and mischivious manners differ between nations. While in South Eastern countries stricter approaches to educate children are preferred, in Western countries is more common to utilitsate kindful methods. In this essay I will set forth the benefits that these two educational approaches ential in a child's upbringing life.

On the one hand, children who receive a more severe education are impelled to enter maturity at an earlier age, owing to the fact that they are taught that an inappropiate behaviour could result in unwanted punishments. For instance, in Africa the educational system is still based on draconian academic rules. Pupils are reconducted with physical punishments. This permits teachers to relish a more quiet and peaceful atmosphere in class, due to the fact that students acknowledge that their mistakes could lead to detrimental consequences. Thus, as this shows, it is clear that severe rules could be an effective and direct method to render children comprehensible forms of conduct.

On the other hand, children are more likely to feel loved and consequently act better towards their parents when being educated in an embraceful system. Take for example infants in Europe. As numerous psychological reseach have showed in the pedagogical realm, toddles who are upbrought in a lesser severe environment tend to be more sympathetic in their childhood. Therefore, it is clear that upbringing children with kindful words rather than austere acts pays dividens ulitamtely.

To conclude, after analysing the benefits of both sides, I believe that education children in a slow-paced method is more favourable in the long-term basis, due to the fact that it is at the stage when a child builds their character. Were children only to be educated with strict conducts, the sense of emphatisim in humanity would be dramatically depleted.

anshita 2 / 4  
Apr 25, 2014   #2
I hope, you could have taken your stand in Introduction paragraph.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Apr 25, 2014   #3
Hellooo..., where is the real prompt for this task? It is always good to include the prompt in your post together with the essay as it helps us fully understand what it requires from you.

In this essay

adds no value. Better omit

Were children only to be educated with strict conducts, the sense of emphatisim in humanity would be dramatically depleted.

I know this pattern from some corners of the world. However, this is not the right place to show your creative and innovative writing.The clarity of your writing makes your essay a pleasure to read.
OP masteringIELTS 1 / 1  
Apr 25, 2014   #4
where is the real prompt for this task? It is always good to include the prompt in your post together with the essay

Sorry. Here you go with the question for task 2:
"In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behaviour. In other cultures, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant examples in your response".

Thanks for your feedback!
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Apr 28, 2014   #5
"In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behaviour. In other cultures, children are allowed to do almost anything they want.What are the merits of each opinion?What is your position on the matter?Include relevant examples in your response ".

there are three questions in your prompt and those questions have to restatement in the introduction.

A healthful comportament in childhood depends in many cases on religious and cultural matters. Consequently, the sense of politeness and mischivious manners differ between nations. While in South Eastern countries stricter approaches to educate children are preferred, in Western countries is more common to utilitsate kindful methods. In this essay I will set forth the benefits that these two educational approaches ential in a child's upbringing life.

A healthful comportament in childhood depends in many cases on religious and cultural matters. >> Hook
While in South Eastern countries stricter approaches to educate children are preferred, in Western countries is more common to utilitsate kindful methods. >> Background

In this essay I will set forth the benefits that these two educational approaches ential in a child's upbringing life. >> thesis statemen personally i like your introduction, but remember you should paraphrase the prompt well.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 28, 2014   #6
Hellooo..., where is the real prompt for this task? It is always good to include the prompt in your post together with the essay as it helps us fully understand what it requires from you.

Yes, it eddies is correct. It is important for us to know the purpose of this writing and the prompt too. Then we can align our comments better with task requirements :)
Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
Apr 28, 2014   #7
In this essay I will set forth the benefits that these two educational approaches ential in a child's upbringing life.

It is better to omit or rewrite, because it has no value! Anyway, examiner expects it from you!

in Western countries it is more common to

Hope this helps)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 1, 2014   #8
Also, I forgot to make my admin requests in the previous post - You should include the prompt in the thread so that we can understand exactly what your prompt requests from you. Again, had you mentioned the purpose of writing, e.g. IELTS, TOEFL etc. then we could have aligned our comments more with task related requirements. Make sure that you would follow these instructions in your future threads :)


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