Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case?


KhaiHuuNguyen 1 / -  
Dec 2, 2022   #1

smartphones and kids



In modern society, children use most of their time on smartphones. Throughout this essay, I will explore the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and express my opinion on the matter. Firstly, I will discuss the negatives of children spending lots of time on smartphones and secondly, I will share the positives of this trend if it is mined in the right way.

Children using smartphones will affect their mental health. Lots of inappropriate behavior may have a negative effect on their psychology due to phone radiation. This hazard makes children feel alone, catharsis, as well as being isolated from sociality. Additionally, the negative effects of the internet may result from contemporary online platforms or social networks. For example, in 2019, a trend appears on the Youtube platform so-call "Momo challenge" which increase the suicide rate of children around the world. As a result of that, Viet nam's government immediately had the policy to remove such videos on Youtube.

On the other hand, exposure to smartphones early gives children great advantages. Using smartphones early helps children keep pace with technology. There are many changes in our living world today. To develop a comprehensive yourself as well as avoid being a laggard person, children should know the way to use these technologies, typically smartphones. Furthermore, early exposure to smartphones helps children learn from the internet which is a vast resource of human knowledge. The children's exploitation of this resource helps them have creativity, problem-solving, and independence personality. For example, online free courses on the internet help children to understand more about lectures before going to their classes.

In Conclusion, there are many benefits and negatives to children spending hours every day on their smartphones. In my opinion, it is a positive development. Parents should take care of their children to encourage their independence as well as to stimulate their curiosity.

P/s: Could you give me an advice, please?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,582 4452  
Dec 3, 2022   #2
The essay has already received a failing score for the preliminary TA consideration. That is because the original prompt topic and discussion points were completely altered by the writer in his restatement and opinion presentation. As such, the writer cannot expect to receive a passing score even if the does well in the succeeding LR, C+C, and GRA considerations. While minimal points will be awarded in these sections, the fact that the writer did not follow the writing and discussion instructions are originally indicated have prevented the writer from gaining a passing score. Once the writer shows that he failed to follow the writing instructions, it becomes clear to the examiner that the writer does not have an English comprehension ability that will allow him to perform well in an English academic setting. The only way to pass a task 2 test is to make sure that the discussion instructions are properly represented in the reasoning paragraphs and that the restatement paragraph does not totally deviate from the given discussion considerations. This essay did not follow instructions.
phuongthao0608 1 / 4  
Dec 4, 2022   #3
@KhaiHuuNguyen
You tried to use advanced vocabulary and grammar. The problem is the question is "Why is this in case?". However, in your essay, you focused on benefits and drawbacks, this will bring you low score of TA, or even vocabulary and grammar scores.
hanablaaaa 3 / 6 1  
Dec 4, 2022   #4
Your conclusion is quite short, you should enlarge it to around 5 sentences while summarizing the requirement. By splitting out the given question, you could find the keywords for your essay as pros and cons- which you did it quite well. But in the opening paragraph, you said " firstly", usually when saying the ordinal number it usually comes with 3 numbers at least. Besides, at the end of your 1st para, you said " positives of this trend" while in the second part you said about the negatives impacts- which could confuse the reader.


Home / Writing Feedback / Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case?