Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

Many children, spend hours by the screens, and it is detrimental to them


HelloHola 1 / 3  
Jun 4, 2021   #1

Watching TV is bad for children. Do you agree or disagree?



Nowadays, with the tremendous advancement of technologies, TVs are far more accessible and ubiquitous than before. A multitude of people, especially children, spend hours on the screens. However, it is argued that this kind of recreation is detrimental to children. To my mind, I concur with this opinion for the following reasons: violent programs, time-consuming, adverse effects on health.

First of all, the TV contains a myriad of violent programs and nonsense game shows. In the time profits are the first and foremost concentration of companies, TV programs tend to get as much attention of the viewers as possible, in other words, ratings, by cramming shocking factors, especially violence. Gratuitous violence on TV can have a pernicious influence on children's behavior. They may "practice" what they have seen on TV in real life and use violence as a key for every problem. Moreover, falsified news and nonsense gameshow can give children insufficient insights into the world around them.

Secondly, when most people watch TV for relaxation, they could keep starring at the screens for hours and transcend the limited time for watching TV, not except for children. This habit could lead to bad performance and demerits at school when their time for studying is occupied.

Lastly, watching too much TV could lead to health problems; this idea is analogous to the second idea. When children's time is spent watching TV, physical activities will be lacking, which is the opportunity for obesity and heart diseases to rise in their bodies. Moreover, eye-related like short-sighted eye discharge can occur if on-screen time is exceeded.

Briefly, I believe TV is not healthy (both physically and mentally) to entertain children for the mentioned reasons.

P/s: This is my writing, pls help me figure out what I can improve, many tks. And also, there is just one similar topic on this website, but it's kinda old
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,933 3567  
Jun 4, 2021   #2
violent programs, time-consuming, adverse effects on health.

Too many reasons involved in what should only bea 4 paragraph essay. Good work on presenting an immensely clear s with a valid thesis statement based on discussion reasons. I also appreciate the varied punctuation usage in this paragraph. You can increase your CRX score this way.

In the time companie...

Focus on limited but well explained reasons. In this paragraph, you confuse the reader due to lack of proper examples and defensive explanations. Remember C+ C seoks are based on understandable explanations, not number of reasons per paragraph.

Lastly, watching too much TV...

Blend this as a supporting reason in the previous paragraph. Use a transition word, phrase, or sentence to accomplish this. since the reasons are related, it will boost your TA and C + C score.

mentioned reasons

Use this as a reminder paragraph. Briefly repeat your reasons to show your reverse paraphrase skills as required in a summary conclusion.
OP HelloHola 1 / 3  
Jun 5, 2021   #3
@Holt

bea

thanks a lot Mr., your advice would be really helpful to me


Home / Writing Feedback / Many children, spend hours by the screens, and it is detrimental to them