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IELTS TASK 2 - Children spend time playing computer


acynguyen0909 3 / 7 1  
Jun 13, 2019   #1

virtual games instead of real sport



"Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?"

Nowadays, the technological development brought a lot of the modern devices that help human life easier. One of them is appearing of computer with a lot of colorful online games. Therefore, it's argued that there is a lot of kids taking more time to play the computer games than do sports in the outside. In my opinion, this is the fact circumstance in general. However, the modern technology does not only have many drawbacks but also lots of benefits that good for their life.

With regard to the negative effects, first, spending time playing computer games will cause various issues about health especially making the eyes-problem. Honestly, looking at the screen more than 3 hours per day definitely deduct the eyes seeing ability. Secondly, due to the computer games, teenagers gradually become to addict. This leads to the other health-problem because they do not eat or even drink all the time being in front of the computer. Playing game most of time has the negative problem for children's health.

On the other hand, there are many online games about studying and entertaining that help to practice children's brain being more intelligent and flexible. If the parents can help their offspring including reminding them the time to using computer and guide them the good way to apply it in studying, children can advance their knowledge a lot because of online games.

To sum up, playing game brings up both advantages and disadvantages. They are not only the main reason for children's heath due to overusing but also develop the children's knowledge. The most important thing is guiding them to use computer reasonably.

P/s: I wrote it without dictionary in 50 minutes after a long time I did not write. I realized that I forgot a lot of vocabularies and I did not know how to express my opinion. Hope to hear your honest comment to let me improve more! Many thanks for my friends!

Hammy 13 / 35  
Jun 13, 2019   #2
in my opinion, followed the question of the theme, i suggest that you should give the reasons why the children spend a lot of time playing games instead of playing sports and then give your opinion whether it is good or bad.

it's ok that you expressed your ideas like that. However, next time, please give some detailed examples to explain clearly your ideas you give.
Dang Khoa 11 / 42  
Jun 14, 2019   #3
HI THERE @ACYNGUYEN0909, YOU HAVE A LOT OF MISTAKES AND I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO IMPROVE THEM.
First of all, your introduction is too long, too many lengthy abundant sentences, you should minimize them and focus on the content.

I would like to change into:"Nowadays, the technological developments have brought the appearance of the online games on the computer. While some people think that games are harmful and should play sports instead, i strongly believe that games would be super beneficial if humans utilize it rightly"

See? It's simple and not too lengthy, i think you should practice with the sentence "while,.. i blah blah blah" because it will be a good card it writting "agree or not" question.

There are a lot more like you overlap your words, lack of vocab, wrong grammar, and weak at the layout which many newbies have. But dont worry, this kind of writting ALL HAVE A FORMULA :), just need to know that formula(which is on the Internet), you would do well and maybe higher than 6.0

So good luck bud and hope u do better in the future.
OP acynguyen0909 3 / 7 1  
Jun 14, 2019   #4
Thank you so much for your comment. I'll spend more time to practice.


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