Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS: children spend more time on watching TV


lippea 3 / 7  
Jan 20, 2011   #1
Studies suggest that children spend more time on watching TV than they do in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things.

What measurement and methods can be used to tackle with it?

My answer is as below. Any comment is welcome, like arguments, paragraphing, links, or words ...
Thanks in advance!
====================================================================

It is an element of truth that the young generation is more likely to watch TV. Therefore, they lose chances to use their minds and develop their skills. Those who are observant of all these problems are hunting for ways by which they can draw youngsters' attention away from TV and other electronic media.

One way is to make kids a part of creative contests. Children may not be willing to join in at the beginning, but once involved, they can make new friends, acquire new knowledge and experience various feelings. Under competitive situations, they are also required to fully utilize capacity and deeply explore hidden talents, which raise a sense of achievement, activate creativity and nurture imagination of children. Besides contests, there are many useful activities. Try bringing teenagers colors for painting, clay for playing or books for reading. Everything interesting is ok.

On the other hand, parents should set up a good example. By saying this, I mean adults should decrease the time with electronic media, or even not watch at all because usually they are the objects of imitation. From grow-up family members, young kids may get a hint that televisions are something amazing and become interested. Some may claim dozens of reasons to argue against. But it's unfair and hard to restrict children only. Parents should spend more effort with their kids, which not only change the kids, but also benefit the adults.

Totally speaking, it's not a problem of whether children watch or not, but how to guide children. Exploring and learning are the nature of young people. They will no longer miss screens if they have other funny things to do.
Chim Can Cook 10 / 23  
Jan 20, 2011   #2
Hi :D
I think your essay is supposed to have three points at least.
Anyway, your essay is well written with accurate grammar, spelling and all that.
but I suggest you add in the point of encouraging children to take part in outdoor activities like camp or sports.

PS: Please come and have a look at my essay as well, thanks!!!
OP lippea 3 / 7  
Jan 20, 2011   #3
yeah, the measures are missing...thanks for your response
how about supporting points? I always feel difficult in that.
I will surely reply to yours, but not sure if I can get any valuable comment to you.
lksidestep 1 / 3  
Jan 20, 2011   #4
"It is an element of truth that the young generation is more likely to watch TV."

- change it to there. "There is an element of truth..."

The last sentence in your second paragraph is a bit weird, I'd change that.

Um, there wasn't much else except I felt the conclusion was a bit weak. Just fix that and probably add one more point for your argument and you should be good to go!

Hope I was able to help, and if you can, check out my essay too! (:


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: children spend more time on watching TV