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'Children suffer due to modern lifestyles of their parents' - Ielts


salmav 8 / 27 4  
Jan 3, 2013   #1
Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past.

Do you agree or disagree?

There are many explanations how is modern lifestyles, it depends on us. Some argues that parents not taking care of children as much as they did are modern lifestyles, which brings about unexpected result to their kids. From my perspective, I generally disagree with that thesis.

Firstly, people are now being protected by law, so they have more rights than they did in the past, including women can go to work. Men used to be the only one in the families who earned the livings, while women stayed home and took care of children. Now, they both go to work so that kids could have more chances to get to know their parents as well as play with them, instead of having only mothers. The fact is two absolutely better than one.

Second thing is most of the children now can go to schools. Knowledge is considered the most essential to human beings. Not as before, they had to drop studying and worked hard to help their families. This means they spend almost time on studying with classmates, teachers and playing nowadays. Obviously, we cannot put the blame on their fathers or mother for not being around; it is a reality that we have to accept.

In addition, modern lifestyles are more likely that parents learn to respect their kids in order to give them privacy to grow up and also teach them how to be independently responsible in everything, which does not mean leaving them behind. To support this, I will take my father as an example. Honestly, my dad scarcely stays beside me, even when I got into troubles. He claims that he wants me to experience things, make mistakes and infer lessons for my own, though he really worries me to mess things up. The reason for him to do that is he has faith in me, so do your parents.

On the other hand, others believe that they ought to work hard so as to get the highest wages, and their children would have perfect lives. However, they get it all wrong. Actually, Spirit is far more important than matter. Money is just means of living, not the main purpose for us to survive. My two cents worth is that parents should have the appropriate ways to educate and look after them, because those would affect who they are becoming in the future.

creepernaut 3 / 5  
Jan 6, 2013   #2
It's a good essay but I would suggest you revise it with run on sentences and awkward wording in mind.

For example, your last sentence reads a bit rambly.

My two cents worth is that parents should have the appropriate ways to educate and look after them, because those would affect who they are becoming in the future.

I would suggest you re-write it to something like this.
In my opinion, parents should apropriatly educate, and look after their children, because they influence who their child becomes.

Other than that it's a decent essay. Good work.
OP salmav 8 / 27 4  
Jan 7, 2013   #3
Thank you all. I will rewrite it :)


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