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Children have a tendency to select unhealthy lifestyle, especially to consume hyper-palatable food.


Iforsa 35 / 54 5  
Aug 26, 2016   #1
Topic:
many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. to what extent do you agree with this statement? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Recently, a large number of children has a tendency to select unhealthy lifestyle especially to consume hyperpalatable food. Most people argue that parents and schools have a same pivotal role to overcome this phenomenon. A stringent supervision must be applied such as children's food controlling by conducting food education in schools and parents have to avoid giving pocket money since children use it to buy junk food.

Schools has an essential role to lead children gain their healthy life since it teach children about education. Healthy life becomes a trend issue that schools are supposed to handle immediately. There are a wide range of ways to teach children about healthy life, but schools must consider how these way run effectively. According to Al Irsyad elementary schools, this school has unique method to educate children about healthy lifestyle by conducting sleuth game. They believe that game is the best method to attract children learning healthy lifestyle as it provides a great deal of fun. As a result, teacher can transform their ideas effectively.

Parents have same crucial role to monitor about children lifestyle as many children tend to spend their money to buy highly-engineered food. Parents must take into consideration to avoid giving a regular sum of money for children and provide a lunch box instead. However, some parent complain about children are accustomed to be picky-eaters. In this case, parents should broaden their creativity to serve interest and healthy nourishment. They can serve it by imitating from food blog such us tasty food which provides a wide range of variety cuisines to attract children.

To sum up, both of schools and parents are supposed to take an action solving unhealthy lifestyle issue. They have to collaborate each role to make children healthier by implementing food education in schools and parents serve packed meal so that they can avoid to give a regular sum of money children usually used to buy highly-engineered food.
rosadesiana 38 / 40 2  
Aug 26, 2016   #2
hi, i try to check the grammar while hone my skills.
the blue sentence is the suggestion.

... controlling by conducting food educationin schools and parents have to avoid giving ...

... food education in schools, and the parents have to avoid giving pocket money (delete the pocket money) since children use ...

... gain their healthy life sinceit teach(it teaches) children about education.

and also you could replace the "school" words with institution or it to avoid the repetition.
ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 26, 2016   #3
Schools has an essential (...) healthy life since itthey teach children about education

trend issue => redundancy
you can add an adjective insteada
vital issue

how these ways run effectively

According to Al Irsyad elementary schools , this school has an unique method to educate

children's lifestyle

some parents
you made same mistakes with plural and singular noun


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