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Nowadays children are more undisciplined because their parents are more busy with their career.

HAOss 1 / -  
Mar 2, 2019   #1
nowadays children are more disciplined because their parents are more busy with their career. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion ? what could parents do to build a sense of discipline among student . Give reasons for your answers.

pursuing money and neglecting kids

Nowadays due to development of economy and the hustle and bustle of life. People have to work harder to make their living. As a result, They do not have time to spend for each other, spiritual life is reducing. Some people claim that their children are becoming more and more disciplined because they do not provide enough care for their son and daughter. I completely agree with this point. I will demonstrate my view with in this writing.

Firstly, it is not easy for parents to balance between job and family simply because these days life is super difficult, parents have to work hard to find money for many things, such as water, electrical bills, son and daughter's tuition fees,... Some parents even have to work for more than 11 hours a day, Consequently, they do not even have time to eat so how can they have time to teach and play with their children. As you know, children especially adolescent, They extremely need love and care from their parents due to their changing in mind and body, lacking of fundamentally needs they will less saying, not want to share their idea and talk with parents. They prefer to talk and go out with strange people as they spend more time with them. For long time this problem will be more terrible, they become a bad child and not easy to teach them or tell them what do to. In near future they will no longer know who is really their family.

For all consequences i have recommended, i hope that parents will spend more time for their children. They could spend weekends to lead their children to the park , supper market, or entertainment center to mount family relationship. It's also spend a little time at night to teach you children their lessons or even simply say good night to their love.

To sum up, Life can be difficult these days, you have many things to deal with but remember to spend time for your children, for your love. Money can be found be found but when you lost your children it is not easy to find them again.

Thanks for your checking <3

trvaanh 5 / 10 1  
Mar 2, 2019   #2
You should not use the general statement in the introduction"Nowadays due to ... and bustle of life." - It makes no sense at all.

You need outline what you are going to write instead of "I will demonstrate my view ..."
Also it would be better if you used long sentences and academic word phrases in your essay.
The topic required you to give your opinion not solution "For all consequences i have recommended...."
You need at least 2 supporting paragraphs to illustrate your points of view.
Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Mar 3, 2019   #3
Knobs, your opening paraphrase is confusing. It does not make sense. Although you provided a proper extent response to the (dis)agree question, you did not outline the reasons that will support your response. The reasons should have been outlined in the opening paraphrase to fully satisfy the Task Accuracy requirements. As such, your TA score will not be as high as it could have been. Once you miss out on representing one of the prompt paraphrase requirements, you can expect point deductions to be applied to the Task Accuracy section of the scoring considerations.

Your essay went off topic in the second paragraph, also known as the first reasoning paragraph. This mistake continued all the way to the concluding summary. Due to the prompt deviation, you cannot expect this essay to get a passing score. It lacks clarity, it does not follow the discussion instructions, and it closes on a totally unrelated topic rather than a discussion summary. I strongly urge you to familiarize yourself with the discussion methods for the Task 2 essays before you continue with your practice tests. If you don't understand how to respond to the essays, you will not be able to pass the actual test.

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