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Children use their smartphones everywhere - it provides to the unhealthy lifestyle

yurikeyuri 43 / 61 2  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

The main problem of unhealthy lifestyle happen in manny children, particularly the use of handphone which it need solving way from both educational institution and their parents. In my view, the solving way from them must do together in order to can towards the children unhealthy lifestyle free.

Nowadays, the use of handphone in information era always increase typically in children life. The children use the handphone in school and almost in their house. On the other hand, the school have the task to decrease on the handphone using when they in the school or when the children in the home, especially in their bedroom which always use their handphone. Recently, there is many school which still allow the students particularly the children to bring handphone in around school activity. Finally, will use their handphone when in the classroom or in break time. The school must not allow their student to bring handphone to the school because it will disturb the teaching and learning activity, and also it has many negative impacts to their healthy, mainly the problems in brain or their bone.

However, the children have another place too which they most wate their time in the home, so the parents are the most important to solve the problem of handphone using in the children life. If the children take more their time to interact with their handphone, their healthy will have many diseases which destroy their body, such as rematic and brain or bone disease. The parents must not allow the favorite activity of their children and they can change this activity with do these activities in the home, such as gathering with many people in watching room or family room to communicate the hoby, the today news, or the school.

Finally, the conclution of this problem is the both father-mother and the schools have main feature to help the children far of handphone using un their activity. I also suggest that the school and the parent always see and more protection to the children and always give may alternative acivities which interesting for the children.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3498  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Yuri, I have to tell you that you will receive a band score of 1 for this essay. The reason that the score is so dismal is because you have complete misunderstood the prompt. You have misrepresented the topic and the format of discussion that the original prompt provides. Your overview is for a completely different topic. Therefore, it is not necessary to score the essay for the other sections in the band score because you already failed the most important one, task accuracy. It is important that you understand the prompt instructions before you write the essay. You have to ask questions while you can during the practice test in order to help improve your English comprehension skills. Then work on developing a coherent, cohesive, and grammatically accurate opening statement that correctly paraphrases the prompt. When you fail to accomplish the task accuracy portion, you will automatically fail in the rest of the sections. Since you have shown that you do not understand English and cannot express yourself even in the most elementary manner of writing in the language. There is no passing this test using this essay. I suggest you have someone explain the prompt to you in your native tongue. That way you can write a new essay that will be more prompt relevant and hopefully, grammatically acceptable in English.

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