Topic:
Some people say that what children watch influence their behavior. Others believe that the amount of time they spend on TV influences their behavior most.
Discuss and give your own opinion.
Answer:
The television has been utterly affecting children's mindset. While some people argue that watching TV programmes play a crucial part in forming their behavior, others raise their strong voice for the viewpoint that how chidren behave greatly depends on how much time they set aside. This essay will discuss both opinion and point out my personal perspective about this problem.
On the one hand, there are a number of supportive ideas for the fact that children's behaviors are extremely influenced by following TV. One of the most reasons is that TV coverages abound in a plenty of shocking news and violent images, and children are likely to remember and store those features they get exposed to. Furthermore, young generation appear to be naive and uncontrollable. Therefore, if they are not under the control of adults, they will give an imitation of either good or bad actions shown on TV and repeat them more than once. As the result, parent's strict supervision on types of TV shows should be provided with the young in order to push negative elements out of their minds.
On the other hand, it is irrefutable that the behaviour changes will happen for the kids by the significant amount they spend on the mass media. By watching a certain period of time in a day, kids will amuse to watch continuously due to the curiosity about entertaining sources. Day by day, not only will those contents be gradually instilled in every child's self-perception but also drive them to the imitation of such activities. Additionally, they will be in that virtual world only since they have been observing them for so many days. That the plausible outcomes deprives from the large amount of time spending on TV is widely recognised.
In conclusion, having considered all aforementioned reasons of both sides, I concede that all of them have influence on children to some certain extents. In order to take use of TV's sources, adults should have proper adjustments in what children watch and how much time they take to use.well, I think you shouldn't say "uncontrollable" . it is a bit unnatural. May be u should replace it with "credulous/ impressionable/ inexperienced/ stubborn".
Remember do not use "kids" in formal essay. You can use " youngster" instead.
Apart from some inappropriate words, your essay is rather good
You did a great job by addressing all the questions in the task. However, I suspect you should work more on your grammar because you still made some minor mistakes.
For example, right in the introduction: "... watching TV programmes plays a crucial part ..."
These mistakes are not serious, yet it will affect your band score.
