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Children nowadays watch more television, which reduces their ectivity levels? Reason? Measures?

cest_chau 1 / -  
Jan 1, 2021   #1

Children and tv

It is true that children have been spending a whole time watching TV programs instead of engaging in social and outdoor activities. In this essay, I would outline a number of reasons why this problem arises and provides some proper measures to alleviate this issue.

The reasons for this problem can be found in the home and the development of means of entertainment. To begin with, children's personality and ability can be shaped during the formative years living with their family. However, parents who lay the foundation of one's child development nowadays are not only too engaged in their own business but also scared of children playing outside, which leads to a passive habit of children/ lack of children's social activities and interpersonal skills. For example, parents who usually spend at least 8 hours at their office to make a living are unable to monitor their kid's behaviour and activities at home, leading to unhealthy life of teenagers such as television, computer in bedroom, physical inactivity. On top of that, youngsters fall victim of a live telecast due to the proliferation of television channels. Compared to the past when most TV channels were black and white, and were limited with several programs, hundreds of channels with high-resolution graphics are nowadays available to attract potential customers like children.

However, in order to solve this problem, parents should take steps to diminish the amount of time children following television incorporate with encouraging their teenagers participating in outdoor activities. Firstly, parent's guidance is essential since they can restrict the children's excessive exposure to means of entertainment such as film and video games. This is not only protecting children from being addicted to the electronic media but also is of great benefit to youngsters in nurturing childhood development. Moreover, essential life skills should be developed through some challenging programs such as team building, mountain-climbing. By putting children to the test, family and school give children opportunities to achieve an outstanding performance in outdoor activities.

In conclusion, although there are several factors which cause children's passive habit of watching movie more than ever before, there are proper measures in which children should be guided and encouraged to be more active.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,088 3251  
Jan 2, 2021   #2
It is true that children have been spending a whole time watching TV

- This is a factual claim. Do you have information from the original discussion presentation that supports this claim? If not, then do not make such over reaching statements that result in your delivering an opinion that is not based on information driven evidence from the original prompt.

You have a strong topic sentence in the second paragraph, that was weakened by the use of phrase fillers (To begin with, However, In conclusion) instead of actual information. Word and phrase fillers are only used to help you meet the word count requirement. Students should be careful of using long word or phrase fillers as these do not give any actual meaning to the succeeding text. Word and phrase fillers do not have a scoring relevance. Actual data / information presentation is what matters in the overall scoring consideration.
tuyentruong 5 / 9 7  
Jan 2, 2021   #3
I think using the adverb " However" at the beginning of the third paragraph is a bit inappropriate. "However" is used to indicates that the relationship between the two independent clauses is one of contrast or opposition and in your paragraph, I don't see any contrasting idea. Additionally, there a few errors associated with your grammar:

In the second paragraph:
- "... fall victim of TO a live telecast ...." ( This is a phrasal verb: "fall victim to something" so you can't just use it wrongly.)

-"...and were limited with TO several programs, ..." ( You should use "limit to an amount or a number of things" instead of "limit with".)

In the third paragraph:
-"...encouraging their teenagers participating TO PARTICIPATE in ..." ( This is also a phrasal verb " encourage sb to do sth")
-..." being addicted to the electronic media but..."( You don't have to use an article before" electronic media")
- "... to achieve an outstanding performance in outdoor activities." ( In this sentence, the word" performance" means the act of doing sth, which makes it an uncountable noun so no need to add an article before it.)

That's all from me. I hope your next essay will be successful.

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