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Nowadays, children can do whatever they want, often bad things, and it leads to the health issues

mardian24 46 / 75  
Oct 25, 2016   #1
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this proble.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Nowadays, children can do whatever they want, especially for bad things in daily life. As a result, parents and schools have to anticipate children's attitude to prevent negative effect that will come to their life particularly for getting food.

Most children love trying something new just to decrease their curiosity. They always buy food on the street where there are many unhealthy foods. For instance, In Indonesia, children usually buy candy which is made by local people and it contains plenty of dust because it is sold next to main road. As a result, even the cost is cheap; children will get sick because of dirty food. Therefore, children should buy food in the right place and they need control from schools and parents to find where the best place or better shop to buy food.

On one hand, controlling children to get some foods are given by schools and parents. Parents can make food and give it to children and then they will bring it to school. In addition, school must selective to choose whether food can be sold in school or not. For instance, kinder garden student always bring their meal to school to prevent buying food in shoal. The other example is school trying one by one food to make sure the condition of the food and make a punishment to prevent unhealthy food existing in school. However, parents and schools have the biggest contribution to make sure there is no bad food in school.

To sum up, it seems that negative lifestyle for children especially about meal can be reduced by the nearest environment, such as, schools and parents. In my view, school have to give explanation about the dangerous food to human body and make a regulation to limit the number of sellers in school and to control the nutrition food. Besides, parents should always give advice to children about how to know clean food and describe the effect for bad food.

(327 Words)
Fadhilahumar91 61 / 73 6  
Oct 26, 2016   #2

Nowadays, children can do whatever they want,...

when i read the question and i compare to your overview, it is very different. So, i hope you paraphrase the question carefully because it can be produce other meanings. Also, i do not find your task response in the firs paragraph. Although, you can mention in the las paragraph, but i will be better, if you mention it earlier.

They always buy food on the street where there are many unhealthy foods.(it is unclear explanation, you must explain more details, why do you say that)

Your main idea in this paragraph different from the question, So i hope in the next writing, please be careful to take one example. Thank you
Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Oct 26, 2016   #3
Hello, Mardian :)
Let me give some advice for your writing.

Having read the entire essay, I could not find your position regard to this topic.
The prompt asks "Do you agree whether schools and parents are blamed for unhealthy activities in the way children life or not?"
If you agree/disagree with this issue, why?

Picking up some your idea in the essay, I offer an alternative.
In this case, I agree with the initiative issue and I am talking about eating junk food as the unhealthy lifestyle.
Idea: School authorities have real power to determine which kind of food consumed by pupils.
Reason: This is because they can select the appropriate menu which is provided in canteens.
Example: There are many scientific facts regard to this idea, or you can put your own experience.
Also, provide the results or consequence to strengthen your idea.

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