Topic: nowadays , many families have both working parents. Some working parents believe that other family members like grand parents can take care of their children while other think that childcare center provides best care.
Discuss both views and give your opinion
Influence of child rearing by grandparent or person from a childcare center
Not like the past, both parents today tend to work instead of letting one at home to take care of their children. While some people think that children should stay at home with their grandparents, I support the idea that it may be better if working parents send their children to nursery school.
Reared by grand parents, children would get special care. Firstly, grandparents have various experiences childrearing, helping them deal with unexpected incidents a child makes. In fact, by spending almost their life time, the old has their own measures to effectively calm a child when they cry thank to their experiences getting year by year. Another is that flesh and blood is appreciated more highly if comparing with any relationships . The grandparents would give all their heart in taking care of their children; therefore, parents would able to feel secured when letting their child at home.
Childcare centers is a great places for bringing up a child. Firstly, nursery school is established as professional organization; therefore, children would be able to receive quality care from well-training staff. An academic program for pre-school applied in some centers would advance children to perform better when entering primary school. Besides, by interacting with their peers, children have a chance to develop communication and language abilities. Some researches show that childhood social relationships hold a key in shaping children 's character.
In conclution, children would get more merits when they enter nursery school, compared with staying at home with grandparents. Parents should take this issue into consider when they have a pre-school children
First , DO NOT use idioms in the academic essay
Second , you said you support the nursery school idea while you provided the advantages for both sides?
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Lyralei, the biggest problem with your essay is that you did not properly outline the discussion in order to show how the paragraphs will be presented. From the way that you presented your thesis statement, you turned a comparison with personal point of view essay into a mere personal point of view essay. That is not what the prompt instructed. The proper outline and thesis statement for this essay should be along the lines of:
These days, families have both parents earning an income, even as they try to raise their children. This has caused 2 separate belief systems in child rearing. The first, is that grandparents should be engaged in the care of their grandchildren and the other, is that children should be placed in child care in order to receive proper child care. In this essay, a discussion of both points view will be presented, along with my personal point of view on the matter.
For the parents who believe that grandparents should help raise the children...
However, when a child is placed in childcare services....
My opinion is that...
To sum up the discussion...
When the discussion covers a few points of view in one essay, it will always be better for your C&C score to create clear discussion formats. The discussion format should indicate which opinion is being discussed by the writer so that the method discussion, as indicated in the original prompt can be clearly defined and properly scored by the examiner.
Your discussion was good, just not properly defined. Which is why it seemed like you were mostly discussing your point of view alone rather than discussing using the given outline. These essays are always 5 paragraph in format due to the provided outlines in the original prompt. There is no more or less in the paragraph presentation. The 5 paragraph essay is the preset standard for the Task 2 IELTS test and that is often laid out based on the original prompt presentation. The 3 body paragraph for discussion is always provided in it. In this case, the 3 paragraphs for the body was composed of:
1. Grandparents discussion
2. Childcare Discussion
3. Personal Opinion.
The 3 body paragraph topics for discussion, that completes the 5 paragraph discussion is always indicated in the prompt. You just have to learn how to recognized the provided discussion points in the original prompt.